I have survived Mother's Day remarkably well. I was too busy to over think it, too tired to care, my favourite radio station did not do a big contest and read sappy letters. All in all, it was okay. The house concert made Saturday just a zoo. The artists showed up around 1 for lunch, guests at 2, most guests left around 5:30, those that travelled farther and close friends stayed later. My parents and brother were the last to leave around 11.
HOTCHA! were great. We ended up with 19 adults and 11 kids. Kids break down into 3 two year olds, 3 four year olds, 2 five/sixish, and then the 3 seven/eight year olds, 8 girls and 3 boys. Can you say crazy? It was wonderful. The kids paid attention to various degrees, some ended up in the backyard looking through the open window behind HOTCHA!, snapping their fingers, dancing, it was hilarious and put new meaning into the peanut gallery. There were a few 4 year old tears when it was time for people to leave. A good time was had by all.
The 4 year old who did not want to leave is a snuggle-monster. When we are at their house (which isn't all that often as it's nearly 2 hours away) she often curls up in my lap as it gets later into the evening. Well... she decided to sit between Mr. Lina and I during the second set. Then she started leaning on me. Then she had her head pretty much in my lap, so my arm when around her. Next thing I know, I've got a little girl all snuggled up in my lap tapping along to the music. It sure felt good. And it had me thinking about that lap of mine as Mother's Day was approaching. It is a damn fine lap for holding little people. And yeah, a single little tear may have escaped, but it felt pretty happy looking forward to sharing that lap rather than looking back at what didn't work.
And looking backward is usually what drives me crazy in May. Something in the media reminds me that it's approaching while I'm driving and my mind can wander. I start thinking back to a year ago and what was going on, and then further and further back until I'm just a mess of tears. My first miscarriage, if that was a full term baby would have been about 4-6 months younger than the little girl in my lap. When I'm already sad, that is what I focus on - the should have and could haves. It was good to be living in the moment.
It has me realizing that the sadness and numbness I've written about, it's not there. Oh I know I have a bruised and battered heart, I'm not saying it's gone. But today, today I'm good.
And Avengers, well worth the time. I do recommend seeing the movies leading up to it (Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, Captain America) if you care about character development. Moments like Thor pausing before reaching for his hammer will mean more, the growth of Tony Stark isn't apparent if you don't know where he came from. That said, it is a superhero movie, if you didn't see the others, you'll catch on to the plot just fine. And hello Hawkeye. You can just drop by any ol' time at all.
Tuesday, May 15
Friday, May 11
Cheers for Friday!
The end of the week is nearly here. I have again been done in by the tasty mochaccinos and feel a little flighty and headachy. I should know the second one is just not as good (physically) as the first. So time for a list...
- HOTCHA! are coming tomorrow
- Attendance is looking promising, somewhere around 14-16 adults and I think 9 kids
- Even with fewer adults than ideal, it's going to feel like a full house with 9 kids running around.
- No clue what I'm feeding anyone yet. I need to plan out lunch for the 4 of us and snacks for the bigger group and a "just in case we need it" dinner
- Grocery shopping is in order to feed people something other than pickles.
- House cleaning is also required, Mr. Lina gets full credit for cleaning a lot already, I have been a slacker and the kitchen is a mess.
- I finally got to chat with the person with CAS today. First step is attending an information night that is hosted monthly. Mr. Lina will be on a training course during the June session, they don't offer one in July, so... my choices were Wednesday or possibly August.
- August seemed a long ways away, so we're going next week.
- Mother's Day is usually a really hard time for me, I feel a lot of should have-could haves and I hate all the sentimental radio contests and commercials about how wonderful mothers are.
- I'm pretty wonderful and I'm not a mom (not to knock all you moms out there, but in my warped mind, it starts to feel like I can't be wonderful if I am not a mom based on their phrasing).
- YET.
- Maybe it's being midway through this FET or being too busy to notice it's nearly here, but it's not hurting as much as past years.
- Of course, Sunday isn't here yet so I'm not exactly out of the woods.
- I really should see if my parents are expecting us to see them Sunday. They will be at the house concert and I am planning on sending her home with the fuchsia hanging basket.
- Maybe that's enough.
- My mom used to buy my Nana a fuchsia plant every year, so I always buy her one now. This year is white with a purple interior, it is very tempting to keep it myself.
- Archer is a very funny, very adult content cartoon. Think... Arrested Development (much of the voice work is from that cast) meets Johnny Quest/Venture Brothers (similar art) in a James Bond/Get Smart/Austin Powers type spy world.
- And it's on NetFlix
- And Stephen King, bah, it's his fault I'm drinking so many tasty mochaccinos. Mr Lina didn't come to bed until quite late and I didn't realize what time it was because I was reading. I should not stay up until midnight on Thursdays.
- Just realized I have two Sencha blouses that I have not been wearing since last summer.
- One needs new buttons, the fabric on the covered buttons came off in New Orleans.
- I have a feeling there is a reason I stopped wearing the other one too.
Thursday, May 10
Fantasy Orange Sewing
So... it seems proof reading was not one of my strengths last night. I updated the title so it's not Fantasty but just Fantasy Orange Sewing. As tasty as oranges are, I don't plan on eating zippers or bias tape.
What a week. I am still tap dancing a bit at work and I really should be doing some of it now but I need me-time too. There have been some long days this week, a few stressful tears on Wednesday, but I see a little light at the end of the tunnel. By the time the FET gets here, I'll be ready for a couple of days off.
In April, I debated about doing Me Made May. It seems like a lot of fun and I can see how there is learning if your challenge is appropriate to your current wardrobe. I think I can wear something self made every day, even if some days it's just my bra and panties. But I opted not to officially join because with the FET (and Mother's Day is typically not good for my mental health), it seemed like too much. To participate, I would need to set the bar so low it really wasn't a challenge which defeats the purpose. I have, however, been trying to pay attention to what I have been wearing, picking more me-made items and seeing if I'm up to it. So far so good. 8 days I've worn external me-made clothing, 2 days it was only my own bra and panties, but still, I'm wearing something I made every day. I would have found it impossible to document. I appreciate all the pictures participants put together, the weekly collages, and I am so not able to take daily pictures right now.
And in the spirit of fantasy sewing... I won a pile of orange. I thought I'd see if there was anything that would match/contrast well with the lovely assortment of orange. And you know what I bought last month?
Also in my list of fantasy sewing is a Sorbetto top to go with my pj bottoms. I am finding that I like wearing the shorts around the house. They are quite comfortable and the right mix of ease to be both comfortable and not feeling bulky. Honestly I have only slept in them once, but they are finding a spot in my wardrobe and washed up to bubbly seersucka goodness.
Fantasy sewing #3 is more funtional. I could actually use more Renfrews, but without the cowl so they aren't so distinctive. I wore the purple one today with a black skirt and felt really good, but it's getting a shade too warm for them. Three quarter sleeve in a more breathable knit would be handy. Also, bottoms. I have a lot of dresses and tops, one skirt, and no pants. So either I'm head to toe in a dress I made or it's a top. More skirts or pants would give me more versatility for a Me Made Month.
And reminders to myself for the next FET:
What a week. I am still tap dancing a bit at work and I really should be doing some of it now but I need me-time too. There have been some long days this week, a few stressful tears on Wednesday, but I see a little light at the end of the tunnel. By the time the FET gets here, I'll be ready for a couple of days off.
In April, I debated about doing Me Made May. It seems like a lot of fun and I can see how there is learning if your challenge is appropriate to your current wardrobe. I think I can wear something self made every day, even if some days it's just my bra and panties. But I opted not to officially join because with the FET (and Mother's Day is typically not good for my mental health), it seemed like too much. To participate, I would need to set the bar so low it really wasn't a challenge which defeats the purpose. I have, however, been trying to pay attention to what I have been wearing, picking more me-made items and seeing if I'm up to it. So far so good. 8 days I've worn external me-made clothing, 2 days it was only my own bra and panties, but still, I'm wearing something I made every day. I would have found it impossible to document. I appreciate all the pictures participants put together, the weekly collages, and I am so not able to take daily pictures right now.
And in the spirit of fantasy sewing... I won a pile of orange. I thought I'd see if there was anything that would match/contrast well with the lovely assortment of orange. And you know what I bought last month?
Indoor lighting sure changes the colours in pictures. The picture on the right is a daylight picture from when I bought the fabric, left I took tonight with some of the orange assortment. It sure is a vibrant print. I bought 2m (45" wide) of cotton sateen, a lovely weight for a skirt or fitted dress. It is soft to touch, but too heavy for anything with pleats, blousing or bulk, it wouldn't drape well and I don't need additional bulk. Now to find the right pattern that requires an orange zipper (or three). I have a RTW A-line skirt in a similar weight fabric that I wear a lot in summer, something similar would be nice. I could use the same pattern I used for the grey corouroy skirt, I like the shape of it (although the waist could use a little tweaking).
Or maybe B5147, they say I'd need 2.2m of 115cm wide fabric for that black dress on the bottom. I have 2m and whatever little extra I got on the cutting table, but I'm short. I would likely lose 10cm or so in length so maybe I could eek it out. I like the idea of a dress because I'd need to make a top to go with a skirt, my black t's would be fine on the weekend but not for work. A dress would need some black accents to just tone it down a bit.
Fantasy sewing #3 is more funtional. I could actually use more Renfrews, but without the cowl so they aren't so distinctive. I wore the purple one today with a black skirt and felt really good, but it's getting a shade too warm for them. Three quarter sleeve in a more breathable knit would be handy. Also, bottoms. I have a lot of dresses and tops, one skirt, and no pants. So either I'm head to toe in a dress I made or it's a top. More skirts or pants would give me more versatility for a Me Made Month.
And reminders to myself for the next FET:
- Biore face cloth are actually keeping the hormone acne at a reasonable level. Break outs have been an issue in some cycles but not all. It's pretty bad this time with pimples popping up in non-typical spots like beside my eyes at the side of my face and between my nose and lips. I don't like using chemicals but salicylic acid in those cloths are keeping the teenage look at bay.
- Day after intralipids I felt awake and amazing, it was a very productive day.
- Insomnia is a side effect of Lupron. I was rereading a personal journal from a few years ago and I noted restless nights and that Lupron may be to blame. I am sleeping, but it is taking me longer to fall asleep (which I was attributing to work stress and Mr. Lina snoring, I usually sleep through it if I fall asleep first and nose strips made a huge difference) and I'm restless at night - hot, cold, dreaming, etc. Mr. Lina and I were actually talking to each other at 3am last night.
Monday, May 7
Treading Water
Monday evening is here and well, I survived, although I'm still just treading water work-wise. I got a bit of an extention on two projects, I will be robbing Peter to pay Paul tomorrow to get it done. I did make it out to present today and outside of two wrong turns and walking into the wrong meeting room, it all went well. At least I left early enough I could spend half an hour making mistakes and still be on time.
I often find with infertility treatments that I forget the details. At the time, it feels like I couldn't possibly forget, but then I get to the next cycle and think... what did I pack? Did I eat breakfast? Should I bring a snack? Was I nauseated? (yes, most of my issues are about food, I like to know when my next meal is coming and I get grumpy and indecisive when I'm hungry). It's good for me to write some of this out at the time so I can refer to it next time. With this being a public blog, I hope it's of some help to someone going through it and wondering what to expect. I'm afraid this post is going to be all infertility, I'll balance out some sewing next post.
First, I forgot how much endobiopsies hurt. I had a scratch done today (Day 5), not a biopsy, but that's essentially the same thing they just aren't keeping the tissue they scratch. It is quick and the pain does not last long which is why I forget the pain but wow that freaking hurt. I really wanted to scooch up the table. I didn't take pain killers because I wasn't sure how it would react to the intralipids and I think that was okay. Yeah, it hurt, but in half an hour all cramping had stopped. Advil would not have taken away the really brief sharp pain anyhow.
They booked me at 7:45 for the endo scratch, 9am for the intralipids. This was about right, they did the scratch late so I only had half an hour to wait for the intralipids. I was in the parking lot at 11:20 and I think they took me downstairs right at 9. So good to have a book and the Playbook to keep me entertained, but there wasn't so much time to leave and come back.
At my clinic, there are three stories. Upstairs, they do blood work, ultrasounds and the monitoring conversations with the nurses. On the main floor, my doctor has his office and they have a few treatment rooms like a regular doctor office. In the basement, they have all the serious treatment rooms and the, ah... men's room with assorted reading/viewing material. For extraction of eggs and the transfer of embryos, they have an anteroom with 4 leather lazy boy chairs, each having a standard chair for partners. Then they have the room where the do the transfers etc which feels more like a surgery room. The ratio of 4:1 keeps things moving well because you do spend a fair bit of time resting after both transfer of embryos and extraction of eggs. They do the intralipids in the comfy lazy boy chairs. There were 3 of us this morning, I gather one of the ladies has passed her first pregnancy test so this was her second round. They do it again when you see a heartbeat at the 6 week ultrasound.
They start by giving me gravol through the IV, this would be why "most" women sleep through treatment. That stuff made me pretty loopy and my limbs felt oddly numb at times. One arm has the IV and heart beat monitor clipped to my index finger, the other a blood pressure cuff. Doing anything more than holding a book is awkward. They recommend bringing a blanket and a pillow and I used the pillow in my lap to support the book so I could do it one handed. Thank heavens I left the hard cover Stephen King at home. I did sleep through parts of it, they took my blood pressure every 15 minutes for the first 45 I'd say, then it was every 45 minutes and the nurse pokes in now and again to take my temperature. So it really is dozing more than sleeping because something is always waking me up. I'd try to read and end up nodding off again.
I have fairly low blood pressure. If I'm cracking 100/70, it's a good day. Now that I have an idea of what is normal for me, I like seeing my readings because it means something to me. Today I started at 104/70, dropped as low as 93/65 but I was back up to 100/65 on the last reading.
I did not make Mr. Lina go, it just seemed like it was going to be a long time of him just sitting there. They had said I did not need a driver although I was welcome to bring him. I think I made the right call, I didn't need him while it was happening and I just drove slow going home because I did still feel tired but not out of it. Although this means he missed seeing me all sleepy. He seems to think I look cute like this.
Hmm, perhaps that is actually a good reason not to bring him along... Can't trust a man with a blackberry.
Things for next time... I would arrange to work from home afterwards, I wouldn't want to do that wearing work appropriate clothes. I would pack the blanket and pillow again. I'd bring water, maybe with a little flavouring. I found I had a tinny taste in my mouth about 45 minutes in and I'd like to have water at hand rather than asking for it. I'd also eat a better breakfast, I was hungry about half way through (thankfully I brought a granola bar, but that was difficult to unwrap). Socks would be a good call too. I wore capri yoga pants and ballet flats, the blanket kept my feet warm but cozy socks would have been good. I always pack a pair for treatments. It's fairly cool in the basement and more noticable because for 2 hours I'm not moving to keep blood flowing. I'm sure it is fine for the nurses who are walking up and down the stairs. Oh and short sleeves, I accidentally did that right. It's obvious I'd need my arm available for IV but it's amazing what I can forget when leaving the house about the time I usually wake up.
With Lupron-Depot stopping my body from creating hormones, I have to replicate everything with medication. Saturday I started taking Estrace which is an estrogen pill. One a day until tomorrow when I take two, then two for a few days before stepping up to 3 pills a day. Just like you would normally increase your estrogen levels leading up to ovulation. Next appointment is Day 12 (Monday - a whole week without appointments) for the usual ultrasound and blood work, we'll see how thick the lining of my uterus is.
So here is a crazy thing with due dates and pregnancy. When I say 6 week ultrasound, that's starting to count from last week. Yes indeed, my embryos are still frozen but my weeks of pregnancy started with Day 1. That nearly broke my brain the first time we went through this, I didn't realize how soon the 6 week ultrasound was going to be. It sounded like forever, but really, by the time I pass a pregnancy test we're already at 4 weeks. It's not that much longer until the ultrasound. Good times, good times.
I often find with infertility treatments that I forget the details. At the time, it feels like I couldn't possibly forget, but then I get to the next cycle and think... what did I pack? Did I eat breakfast? Should I bring a snack? Was I nauseated? (yes, most of my issues are about food, I like to know when my next meal is coming and I get grumpy and indecisive when I'm hungry). It's good for me to write some of this out at the time so I can refer to it next time. With this being a public blog, I hope it's of some help to someone going through it and wondering what to expect. I'm afraid this post is going to be all infertility, I'll balance out some sewing next post.
First, I forgot how much endobiopsies hurt. I had a scratch done today (Day 5), not a biopsy, but that's essentially the same thing they just aren't keeping the tissue they scratch. It is quick and the pain does not last long which is why I forget the pain but wow that freaking hurt. I really wanted to scooch up the table. I didn't take pain killers because I wasn't sure how it would react to the intralipids and I think that was okay. Yeah, it hurt, but in half an hour all cramping had stopped. Advil would not have taken away the really brief sharp pain anyhow.
They booked me at 7:45 for the endo scratch, 9am for the intralipids. This was about right, they did the scratch late so I only had half an hour to wait for the intralipids. I was in the parking lot at 11:20 and I think they took me downstairs right at 9. So good to have a book and the Playbook to keep me entertained, but there wasn't so much time to leave and come back.
At my clinic, there are three stories. Upstairs, they do blood work, ultrasounds and the monitoring conversations with the nurses. On the main floor, my doctor has his office and they have a few treatment rooms like a regular doctor office. In the basement, they have all the serious treatment rooms and the, ah... men's room with assorted reading/viewing material. For extraction of eggs and the transfer of embryos, they have an anteroom with 4 leather lazy boy chairs, each having a standard chair for partners. Then they have the room where the do the transfers etc which feels more like a surgery room. The ratio of 4:1 keeps things moving well because you do spend a fair bit of time resting after both transfer of embryos and extraction of eggs. They do the intralipids in the comfy lazy boy chairs. There were 3 of us this morning, I gather one of the ladies has passed her first pregnancy test so this was her second round. They do it again when you see a heartbeat at the 6 week ultrasound.
They start by giving me gravol through the IV, this would be why "most" women sleep through treatment. That stuff made me pretty loopy and my limbs felt oddly numb at times. One arm has the IV and heart beat monitor clipped to my index finger, the other a blood pressure cuff. Doing anything more than holding a book is awkward. They recommend bringing a blanket and a pillow and I used the pillow in my lap to support the book so I could do it one handed. Thank heavens I left the hard cover Stephen King at home. I did sleep through parts of it, they took my blood pressure every 15 minutes for the first 45 I'd say, then it was every 45 minutes and the nurse pokes in now and again to take my temperature. So it really is dozing more than sleeping because something is always waking me up. I'd try to read and end up nodding off again.
I have fairly low blood pressure. If I'm cracking 100/70, it's a good day. Now that I have an idea of what is normal for me, I like seeing my readings because it means something to me. Today I started at 104/70, dropped as low as 93/65 but I was back up to 100/65 on the last reading.
I did not make Mr. Lina go, it just seemed like it was going to be a long time of him just sitting there. They had said I did not need a driver although I was welcome to bring him. I think I made the right call, I didn't need him while it was happening and I just drove slow going home because I did still feel tired but not out of it. Although this means he missed seeing me all sleepy. He seems to think I look cute like this.
Hmm, perhaps that is actually a good reason not to bring him along... Can't trust a man with a blackberry.
Things for next time... I would arrange to work from home afterwards, I wouldn't want to do that wearing work appropriate clothes. I would pack the blanket and pillow again. I'd bring water, maybe with a little flavouring. I found I had a tinny taste in my mouth about 45 minutes in and I'd like to have water at hand rather than asking for it. I'd also eat a better breakfast, I was hungry about half way through (thankfully I brought a granola bar, but that was difficult to unwrap). Socks would be a good call too. I wore capri yoga pants and ballet flats, the blanket kept my feet warm but cozy socks would have been good. I always pack a pair for treatments. It's fairly cool in the basement and more noticable because for 2 hours I'm not moving to keep blood flowing. I'm sure it is fine for the nurses who are walking up and down the stairs. Oh and short sleeves, I accidentally did that right. It's obvious I'd need my arm available for IV but it's amazing what I can forget when leaving the house about the time I usually wake up.
With Lupron-Depot stopping my body from creating hormones, I have to replicate everything with medication. Saturday I started taking Estrace which is an estrogen pill. One a day until tomorrow when I take two, then two for a few days before stepping up to 3 pills a day. Just like you would normally increase your estrogen levels leading up to ovulation. Next appointment is Day 12 (Monday - a whole week without appointments) for the usual ultrasound and blood work, we'll see how thick the lining of my uterus is.
So here is a crazy thing with due dates and pregnancy. When I say 6 week ultrasound, that's starting to count from last week. Yes indeed, my embryos are still frozen but my weeks of pregnancy started with Day 1. That nearly broke my brain the first time we went through this, I didn't realize how soon the 6 week ultrasound was going to be. It sounded like forever, but really, by the time I pass a pregnancy test we're already at 4 weeks. It's not that much longer until the ultrasound. Good times, good times.
Friday, May 4
Spoiled
I was lucky enough to win the lovely assortment of orange from ElleC. I will say I'm not often drawn to orange, it's one of those warm colours I like on others but not often myself. I figured the orange mix of zippers, bias tape and lace would be good for me because I would never reach out and buy it myself. That doesn't mean it wouldn't match a print or as a contrast to what did catch my eye, or that I shouldn't stretch myself to other colours from time to time.
Mr. Lina is the mail checker in my house, he's the one that is more likely to be ordering from eBay and the like. He put that envelope on the stairs so the minute I got home from bowling, it would be the first thing I saw. I started giggling because I *knew* it was my orange winnings, but ElleC, she put a little bonus in there for me. An additional vintage pattern. Now if I was smart, I would have taken a picture myself, but you can see it on sale on eBay. It has lovely optional collar, looks like enough ease and few pieces that grading up from a 32 bust isn't impossible, just a lot of math. I LOVE it. Thanks! (Side note, the eBay seller says it has princess seams... um... no... not so much. Side bust darts and it needs a belt to cinch in the waist, that's not a princess seam).
As mentioned, work has been busy. Monday has become the perfect storm where everyone seems to want everything. We offered to present an ad hoc project that I worked on, my manager would be tagging along and I'd be presenting. I like presenting, never been to this client before (although a past manager works there now so there may be a familiar face), but... they need this prior to the 8th, so it was booked for the 7th. Two other ad hoc projects kind of need to be done for Monday too. It's insane. Still, I was thinking I could work on it this weekend, wrap stuff up Monday morning... but no, the clinic has also decided they want me on Monday too. Day 1 arrived, I'll be in tomorrow for my standard Day 3 baseline and Monday will be the endometrial scratch (think pap test with an additional scratch) and intralipid IV. Roughly two hours of an IV line limiting my movement, they recommend napping through it, relaxing - not working. Add a little wait time and the other procedure, I'll be there for about 3 hours starting at 7:45am. So there goes Monday morning. And after working until my brain felt wrung out Mon-Wed, I really can't care about this client and I feel overwhelmed. Also, Day 1 is only exciting until the cramps arrive. This may have something to do with yesterday not being a good work day (even if I was happy). You know, just writing that out feels good. I just have to start somewhere, it all has to be done or I'll be standing at the front of a room with nothing to present at 3pm Monday.
Mentally, things are... mixed. Mr. Lina is sending me lots of pictures and videos of lambies and sometimes goats. The FET feels a bit surreal. Like I know that odds are we will trigger me to ovulate on day 14, transfer the embryos on day 19 (May 21) or so, but... I saw a "how to adopt" seminar for May 22nd and my first thought was that it would be good to go to. Even though:
Last weekend, I got to see the lambies that Mr. Lina drives past. They are associated with a garden centre next door and they encourage you to see the animals (two birds, one stone, I bought my perennials and a hanging basket for my Mom for Mother's Day AND I got to pet the donkey). Donkeys and llamas are often kept with sheep as protectors from coyotes etc, that is my something new for the week. We did take pictures, I should see if Mr. Lina took them off the good camera yet or not.
Anyhoo, time to start one of the projects, I'll be good once the panic of being overwhelmed eases. Here is my favourite from the lamb-sheep-goat-donkey-llama video extravaganza that Mr. Lina sent me yesterday. Two day old kids and a very patient llama.
And this just in... Mr. Lina's movie The Post-Lifers has been accepted into The Other Venice Film Festival in October, his film is even listed on the main page. Also, there was a very positive review from the London Shock Stock viewing. I have a very happy husband today.
Mr. Lina is the mail checker in my house, he's the one that is more likely to be ordering from eBay and the like. He put that envelope on the stairs so the minute I got home from bowling, it would be the first thing I saw. I started giggling because I *knew* it was my orange winnings, but ElleC, she put a little bonus in there for me. An additional vintage pattern. Now if I was smart, I would have taken a picture myself, but you can see it on sale on eBay. It has lovely optional collar, looks like enough ease and few pieces that grading up from a 32 bust isn't impossible, just a lot of math. I LOVE it. Thanks! (Side note, the eBay seller says it has princess seams... um... no... not so much. Side bust darts and it needs a belt to cinch in the waist, that's not a princess seam).
As mentioned, work has been busy. Monday has become the perfect storm where everyone seems to want everything. We offered to present an ad hoc project that I worked on, my manager would be tagging along and I'd be presenting. I like presenting, never been to this client before (although a past manager works there now so there may be a familiar face), but... they need this prior to the 8th, so it was booked for the 7th. Two other ad hoc projects kind of need to be done for Monday too. It's insane. Still, I was thinking I could work on it this weekend, wrap stuff up Monday morning... but no, the clinic has also decided they want me on Monday too. Day 1 arrived, I'll be in tomorrow for my standard Day 3 baseline and Monday will be the endometrial scratch (think pap test with an additional scratch) and intralipid IV. Roughly two hours of an IV line limiting my movement, they recommend napping through it, relaxing - not working. Add a little wait time and the other procedure, I'll be there for about 3 hours starting at 7:45am. So there goes Monday morning. And after working until my brain felt wrung out Mon-Wed, I really can't care about this client and I feel overwhelmed. Also, Day 1 is only exciting until the cramps arrive. This may have something to do with yesterday not being a good work day (even if I was happy). You know, just writing that out feels good. I just have to start somewhere, it all has to be done or I'll be standing at the front of a room with nothing to present at 3pm Monday.
Mentally, things are... mixed. Mr. Lina is sending me lots of pictures and videos of lambies and sometimes goats. The FET feels a bit surreal. Like I know that odds are we will trigger me to ovulate on day 14, transfer the embryos on day 19 (May 21) or so, but... I saw a "how to adopt" seminar for May 22nd and my first thought was that it would be good to go to. Even though:
- I will not be walking farther than the couch/bathroom/bedroom. I am physically able to walk after the transfer, there is nothing painful about a transfer, but the clinic doesn't want me going farther than I have to. I take them quite literally because by that point, 3 days of doing very little are just good for me. You all better blog a lot on those days, I'll be looking for something to read.
- I will believe myself to be pregnant that day and absolutely basking in it. It is my favourite part of this whole process. There is a multicelled blastocyst in my uterus at that point, it's maybe not attached to my uterus lining, but it's dividing as I sit there. So in my mind, I'm pregnant until told otherwise.
Last weekend, I got to see the lambies that Mr. Lina drives past. They are associated with a garden centre next door and they encourage you to see the animals (two birds, one stone, I bought my perennials and a hanging basket for my Mom for Mother's Day AND I got to pet the donkey). Donkeys and llamas are often kept with sheep as protectors from coyotes etc, that is my something new for the week. We did take pictures, I should see if Mr. Lina took them off the good camera yet or not.
Anyhoo, time to start one of the projects, I'll be good once the panic of being overwhelmed eases. Here is my favourite from the lamb-sheep-goat-donkey-llama video extravaganza that Mr. Lina sent me yesterday. Two day old kids and a very patient llama.
And this just in... Mr. Lina's movie The Post-Lifers has been accepted into The Other Venice Film Festival in October, his film is even listed on the main page. Also, there was a very positive review from the London Shock Stock viewing. I have a very happy husband today.
Wednesday, May 2
Oh so busy
Work is getting in the way of blogging. And sewing. Bah.
Mr Lina teases that he got a Playbook and it disappeared. At the same time I found a portable Plants vs. Zombies device. Today I'm testing blogging with it. Forgive the lack of pictures, etc, I'm still figuring it out.
The insanity of Provera didn't come. I have only cried once, haven't felt zombie-like, certainly forgetful at times and thinking is taxing, but that's awesome relatively speaking. I am spotting so the worst is over AND transfer will likely be May 21. We can camp until the Sunday, transfer my frozen embryos on the holiday Monday, sit on the couch until Wednesday, win win.
Bowling ended on Tuesday. I ended on a good note, it's a long season but the end still sneaks up on me. Looks like I will be running the side pools again. It should feel less stressful next year now that I have done it already.
Last update is that I finally heard back from children's aid. We will see where that conversation goes. It feels good and it's making Mr Lina think in greater detail of what would be a good fit for us. Sometimes I forget that just because I am thinking about things doesn't mean he is reading my mind.
I will keep checking in on blogs, I would like to revisit my pj's in greater detail, but not tonight.
Mr Lina teases that he got a Playbook and it disappeared. At the same time I found a portable Plants vs. Zombies device. Today I'm testing blogging with it. Forgive the lack of pictures, etc, I'm still figuring it out.
The insanity of Provera didn't come. I have only cried once, haven't felt zombie-like, certainly forgetful at times and thinking is taxing, but that's awesome relatively speaking. I am spotting so the worst is over AND transfer will likely be May 21. We can camp until the Sunday, transfer my frozen embryos on the holiday Monday, sit on the couch until Wednesday, win win.
Bowling ended on Tuesday. I ended on a good note, it's a long season but the end still sneaks up on me. Looks like I will be running the side pools again. It should feel less stressful next year now that I have done it already.
Last update is that I finally heard back from children's aid. We will see where that conversation goes. It feels good and it's making Mr Lina think in greater detail of what would be a good fit for us. Sometimes I forget that just because I am thinking about things doesn't mean he is reading my mind.
I will keep checking in on blogs, I would like to revisit my pj's in greater detail, but not tonight.
Saturday, April 28
Sleepy Seraphinalina
I'm going to have to have a fun post later. I seem to have a headache right behind my right eye. The shorts are done and I'm happy with them. They look a little poofy, but it's a mix of ease (they are pj's) and the crinkly fabric. They are very light and comfy, they will be worn.
I am planning on making a top to go with them, but for now, a Joe Fresh tshirt will have to do.
I am not a Stephen King reader, Mr. Lina is a fan. We heard him speak while in New Orleans and I came home with a copy of this book, 11/22/63. I was between books so I figured I may as well check it out, what he read sounded interesting.
I'm going to take those pj's to bed. More details to come. Yay pj's!
I am planning on making a top to go with them, but for now, a Joe Fresh tshirt will have to do.
I am not a Stephen King reader, Mr. Lina is a fan. We heard him speak while in New Orleans and I came home with a copy of this book, 11/22/63. I was between books so I figured I may as well check it out, what he read sounded interesting.
I'm going to take those pj's to bed. More details to come. Yay pj's!
Friday, April 27
A Yellow Flag Day
Groceries are a bit scarce in our house at the moment, no milk, no cereal. I fried an egg, stuck it in a bun and figured I'd buy my lunch as there was nothing in the freezer to reheat. And I drive the 42km to work in about 55 minutes, fairly typcical. Back the car into a spot, give myself a high 5 that I can do that, and reach for my purse.
No purse. Nope, it's at the front door at home. Along with my corporate card to pay for parking, my drivers license, my money for lunch, my cell phone. I have nothing with me beyond my laptop and I did put my pass to get into the building on my pants because I figured I'd forget. But they ticket pretty aggressively, I can't leave the car to go into the building without risking a $45 ticket (ask me how I know the value of said ticket). What the fuck. It's my purse, I don't go anywhere (except bowling) without my purse. How did I forget that? It wasn't even hiding in the kitchen, it was AT the front door.
Bah. So I'm working from home. I just drove 84km round trip, I'm not driving back again.
And in other news... I did sew last night. My red shorts look much better after adjusting the rise as suggested. Mr. Lina is still a tad critical of the width of the shorts, I have taken some out but I think the hem will sort out what's left of it and I think it's more about the lack of drape in the cotton twill than truly too much fabric. It is not doing the foldy-bunchiness of before.
I did not take pictures because I realized that I needed to get a move on my actual pj's for the fast approaching pj party. Last night I cut them out, French seams for the inside and outside legs, I sewed the middle but as I was starting to iron the waistband, realized those seams still need finishing. Tanit-Isis did a post on the rolled hem foot and The Perfect Nose said she used it to finish interior seams. I figure this is a good opportunity to get some practice where people don't have to see the results. Well, they weren't so stellar. It would have been easier if I did the rolled hem at the outset prior to sewing the legs with French seams. Given that it was getting close to bed time and I was tired, I just decided to zig zag it when my machine decided that it was indeed bed time. We sometimes come to disagreements at bed time that are miraculously patched up within 2 minutes the next day.
Hopefully today I can find some focus and energy that was lacking yesterday. As I was sewing last night I was thinking about how doing anything - making progress on a project, starting a project, making decisions seemed impossible at work and yet there I was, 10 pm making pj pants. I can do it. Really and truly.
Wednesday, April 25
And so it begins
Yesterday I got my shot of Lupron-Depot which stops the creation of hormones for about a month. With IVF cycles I take Lupron injections daily (belly fat injections I do myself), but for FET, they don't need so much control over suppression, the longer term single shot (muscle injection is done at the clinic, pretty painless) is enough. The same day I start my dreaded Provera. I was hoping I wouldn't really notice anything until later in the week, but I think the side effects are starting already.
So, time for a list because I can't organize my thoughts into paragraphs.
This is when sewing is actually good for me. Not the draft a pattern from scratch or grade up 4 sizes kind of sewing, but a Renfrew, or pj's. Stuff that really isn't all that complicated (or for the pj's no one will see what I got wrong) but allows me just focus on the next seam, the next stitch. I can do that if I can get myself into the sewing room and make a decision. At this point, I think I can work on the shorts because it's just doing what Stephanie tells me to do. But I won't be dealing with the waistband etc until I'm feeling less brain fog because it's going to involve some thinking.
Oh... I have chocolate stashed away here, time to try some choco-therapy.
So, time for a list because I can't organize my thoughts into paragraphs.
- It took 25 minutes to get dressed, my average speed to work today was about 28km/hour (for perspective, school zone speed limits are 40km/hour). Let's say I was not the early bird at work today.
- It is, perhaps, a sign that lunch will not taste very good when peppermint tea did not sit well this morning. It took me half an hour to pick away at my normally delicious coconut chicken curry.
- At one point this morning, my face felt tingly and my arms felt heavy. It didn't last long, but that would be a sign that it's more medication driven than just a bad day.
- The concept of walking to my car to step outside for a lunch break feels like too much effort. I'll just sit here and write this instead.
- Fabricland is literally a 3 minute drive from this office if I time the lights well, but today, that's just too much effort.
- On the bright side, I do not feel like crying. Score one for the team!
- I need a new post on my blog because every time I see that Jem picture the theme song starts going through my head. The theme song title is "Jem - Truly, Truly, Truly Outrageous", this gives you a sense of the repetitive nature of the song.
- Great... now it's in my head again. Ooooh Jem, Jem is excitement...
- My brain feels slow. I am getting work done, but the repetitive stuff I usually struggle to focus on because it's boring is going okay. I'm reading blogs, but coming up with a comment is hard. And I want to leave my two cents. It just feels weird when you know that you have thoughts but don't really know what they are. I wish I had a better way to explain this.
- Let's see if ginger Ceylon tea from Sri Lanka (gift from a coworker) works better than peppermint tea.
- Mr. Lina is excited that the lambs have started to arrive at the hobby farm. He took the camera with him to work today and took a few pictures.
 |
| The lump of white/brown on the right are lambs. |
Oh... I have chocolate stashed away here, time to try some choco-therapy.
Tuesday, April 24
Nostalgia
Yesterday was a busy day. I was into the clinic for ultrasounds etc, so I was late for work. And when I got there, there was a crap-ton of it waiting for me, mostly smaller projects and meetings but all of it fairly time sensitive. I got home from work around 8:15 just brain dead and tired. Not up to tackling the red shorts because I'm sure I'd make it worse and hurt myself in the process. So I'm afraid I don't have sewing news to share today.
I watched some television with Mr. Lina and then he headed off to have a bath. And you know what I found on NetFlix? Jem and the Holograms.
Suddenly I was back in Senior Public school (grades 6-8) nearly being late for choir/band practice because Jem was on at 7:30-8:00am and I needed to leave at 7:55 for choir/band. I have two younger brothers, the vast majority of the television I watched as a kid was either too young for me or aimed at boys. I can sing the theme song to programs such as GI Joe, Thundercats, He-Man, Transformers and it's not because I was their primary target audience, rather the halo effect of siblings. Jem is the one show I really remember getting my way and watching what I wanted. I'm sure there were others, I did get my fair share of Strawberry Shortcake in any format, but this one is at an age where I was old enough to cave on a lot ("be nice, he's only 6" type reasoning) and old enough to remember.
Anyhoo... I ended up watching 6 or 7 episodes last night while I picked away a few things and read a few blogs. It was actually pretty much what I remembered, not incredibly fantastic but amusing. Videos are put in about 2 spots in an episode and the lyrics relate to the plot of the episode so they don't feel too forced. Still, I'm glad I watched it alone, without the nostalgia fuzziness, Mr. Lina would have had enough after one episode.
I'm not sure that anything dates someone more than children's television. Jem was apparently only on the air from 1985-1988 in the US, I imagine the timing was the same here in Canada. That's Grade 5-7 for me. Another year or two older and I wouldn't have cared, a few years younger and I wouldn't understand. There are long running shows like Sesame Street that speak to a wider population, but I watched it pre-Elmo. I remember Mr Hooper. Prior to meeting Mr. Lina, I went on a single date with someone who I thought was a little older than me when we met, but over dinner it became clear there were more years between us than I initially guessed. The 3-4 years difference I expected was actually more like 7-8. Still, I was 25, that's not impossible with the right people. But wow, dinner was a disaster (Seraphinalina Tip for Dating - always start with a beverage, you can politely leave after 15 minutes). He seemed to pick up on things that highlighted the difference rather than finding common ground. It was clearly not to be.
So let me see if I can take this back to fashion at the very least. ElleC said somewhere (in comments maybe?) that when fashions return into style, it doesn't always work if you lived through it the first time. It feels more like you just forgot the intervening decades and aged in place. She's got a good point. I was turning 10 as Jem went on the air, so those late 80's are formative tween years for me, I was aware of pop music, MuchMusic (like MTV), etc. When we watch episodes of Miami Vice, I go to town on the shoulder pads, the crazy huge hair, the spandex, the neon... and then Mr. Lina calls me on this when I ooh and ah over dresses in a Cary Grant or Marilyn Monroe movie - why is one trend ridiculous and the other pretty?
As a little girl, is anyone more beautiful than your mom? Maybe an aunt or your grandmother? Younger pictures of them somehow make them look even better. I know I thought my mom was stunning. There are pictures from my first Chirstmas, her face is pale, red lips and heavy eyeliner, that was makeup to perfection to me. I'm not sure my Nana was ever cute-pretty the way I see myself. Nana had character, a stronger nose than Mom or I, a different kind of beautiful. When I look at pictures of her when she was young (born 1916, so anywhere from the 1930's on), the pictures are so small, it is hard to see the details of her face if it's not a portrait, but her dresses... oh my. She had some lovely clothing and knew how to play up her trim figure. I wonder if some of the appeal of vintage for some is either a time period with styles that suit your body type so you do look good, or the feeling of a beautiful memory of someone in a 50's dress with matching hat and white purse who looks a little bit like you thanks to genetics. But too close... well... you know why it went out of fashion in the first place.
I watched some television with Mr. Lina and then he headed off to have a bath. And you know what I found on NetFlix? Jem and the Holograms.
Anyhoo... I ended up watching 6 or 7 episodes last night while I picked away a few things and read a few blogs. It was actually pretty much what I remembered, not incredibly fantastic but amusing. Videos are put in about 2 spots in an episode and the lyrics relate to the plot of the episode so they don't feel too forced. Still, I'm glad I watched it alone, without the nostalgia fuzziness, Mr. Lina would have had enough after one episode.
I'm not sure that anything dates someone more than children's television. Jem was apparently only on the air from 1985-1988 in the US, I imagine the timing was the same here in Canada. That's Grade 5-7 for me. Another year or two older and I wouldn't have cared, a few years younger and I wouldn't understand. There are long running shows like Sesame Street that speak to a wider population, but I watched it pre-Elmo. I remember Mr Hooper. Prior to meeting Mr. Lina, I went on a single date with someone who I thought was a little older than me when we met, but over dinner it became clear there were more years between us than I initially guessed. The 3-4 years difference I expected was actually more like 7-8. Still, I was 25, that's not impossible with the right people. But wow, dinner was a disaster (Seraphinalina Tip for Dating - always start with a beverage, you can politely leave after 15 minutes). He seemed to pick up on things that highlighted the difference rather than finding common ground. It was clearly not to be.
So let me see if I can take this back to fashion at the very least. ElleC said somewhere (in comments maybe?) that when fashions return into style, it doesn't always work if you lived through it the first time. It feels more like you just forgot the intervening decades and aged in place. She's got a good point. I was turning 10 as Jem went on the air, so those late 80's are formative tween years for me, I was aware of pop music, MuchMusic (like MTV), etc. When we watch episodes of Miami Vice, I go to town on the shoulder pads, the crazy huge hair, the spandex, the neon... and then Mr. Lina calls me on this when I ooh and ah over dresses in a Cary Grant or Marilyn Monroe movie - why is one trend ridiculous and the other pretty?
As a little girl, is anyone more beautiful than your mom? Maybe an aunt or your grandmother? Younger pictures of them somehow make them look even better. I know I thought my mom was stunning. There are pictures from my first Chirstmas, her face is pale, red lips and heavy eyeliner, that was makeup to perfection to me. I'm not sure my Nana was ever cute-pretty the way I see myself. Nana had character, a stronger nose than Mom or I, a different kind of beautiful. When I look at pictures of her when she was young (born 1916, so anywhere from the 1930's on), the pictures are so small, it is hard to see the details of her face if it's not a portrait, but her dresses... oh my. She had some lovely clothing and knew how to play up her trim figure. I wonder if some of the appeal of vintage for some is either a time period with styles that suit your body type so you do look good, or the feeling of a beautiful memory of someone in a 50's dress with matching hat and white purse who looks a little bit like you thanks to genetics. But too close... well... you know why it went out of fashion in the first place.
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