Friday, May 31

Happy Friday!

What a week of ups and downs...
  • Icky car bill
  • Came out of my office last night to see I had a flat tire
  • Which is why we have CAA, I haven't the faintest clue what to do about that
  • Apparently I have a spare tire in my trunk, I didn't know that
  • But I didn't need it
  • They couldn't find the leak, given that I had the tires rotated on Tues/Wed, the cap probably got knocked causing the slow leak
  • So three cheers for not needing a new tire!
  • The CAA guy was so nice, he taught me how to check the pressure and didn't treat me like a bumbling idiot because although I could recognise what a pressure gauge looked like, I had no clue how it worked or what the numbers indicated.
  • In trying to find a tire gauge in my car, I found the camera!
  • Yay for blog posts with pictures!
  • Of course not yet since I just found the camera
  • Making good choices has been a little harder this week, my weight reflected the all you can eat buffet (and alcohol) of Saturday and the salty Swiss Chalet dinner that Mr. Lina ordered while I was napping on Wednesday
  • Swiss Chalet can be healthy, but I licked up every bit of salty dipping sauce, he ordered me mashed potatoes when a better choice would be baked and I ate the salty, crispy skin.
  • Yesterday my body seemed to clear all the water it was holding onto and I'm now back to my previous "recent low" and I feel better for it
  • Now to make good choices tonight while playing board games tonight.
  • I have more people to train and mentor at work, that's always fun.
  • I'm wasting too much time playing stupid Facebook games at night when I'm tired.
  • What's too much?  I woke up at 3am dreaming about sliding candy pieces around
  • We booked a trip to Manitoba last night for the week of Canada Day.
    • If things go well, it will delay my 6 week ultrasound (and third intralipids) by 5 days, but the clinic said that's fine.
    • Nothing wrong with a week off work if things go well, my in laws don't stress me out.
    • Although our choice to travel might stress them out.
    • If things don't go well, I can lick my wounds without going to work.
    • If things don't go well while we're there, it wouldn't be because of the trip, and geography won't change the fact they can't make bad things stop happening.
    • Mr. Lina's grandmother (who will be 90 in September) had another spell this week, she's spending 5 days in the hospital and should be getting a pace maker this weekend if I understand right.
    • His great aunt and uncle are celebrating their 60th anniversary on July 6th, we'll leave the next day.
    • My MIL thinks his uncle will stop dialysis after that party, he's been fighting a good fight for a while.
    • It's a lot of pull to visit now and not in 3 months or 6 months. 
  • IT'S FRIDAY!!!  YAY!

Wednesday, May 29

Catch Up

I've been a little quiet.  Sunday did not go quite as expected.  I did get a day to myself, sadly I shared it with a hang over.  I don't know what it is about my bowling year end, but I have to remember to switch to water a little sooner.  Well, let's start with switching to water at some point in the evening.  Sunday was a complete write off.

On the plus side...
  • We did get the patio furniture together
  • Mr. Lina bought a storage box for the deck so we have a place for the cushions
  • I did have a lot of fun at the bowling party
  • Year end party means I get my winnings. 
  • Somehow I ended up with the second highest prize money in our league.
  • The majority of money won is based on your team, not individual.  My team did well and I won a singles award (high triple with handicap I think), mostly because in fairness, you can only win one award, so I probably came in third but the people above me won prizes worth more like high average or high single flat.
  • Mr. Lina finally got his screening blood work done
  • My thyroid levels came back high on Friday, so I went with him to get it rechecked
  • Thyroid levels checked out fine on Saturday, still slightly elevated based on my Googles on the subject, but if the clinic says it's normal, I'll trust them
  • I had the endometrial scratch and intralipids done yesterday
  • Scratch was WAAAAY better than last year, more like an aggressive pap test
  • Intralipids were not bad, but not as comfortable as last year
    • I was the only one getting it done so they put me in an exam room, not the comfy leather chairs in the basement
    • I couldn't get comfortable on the hard table
    • IV had to go into my left hand, my right arm had too much bruising, my veins on my left are too deep
    • They needed to check my blood pressure every half hour on my right arm which was towards the wall
    • So I couldn't sleep with my IV hand tucked under me, so I'd try to nap with my right arm down but then I'd have to roll over for the blood pressure. 
    • Last time I had a blood pressure cuff and in the chair they could access each arm, it was much easier to nap.
  • Mr. Lina was a trooper and drove me to all my appointments
  • Good thing too, when I got home from intralipids, I napped for 2.5 hours
  • Probably a sign I shouldn't drive if I could sleep that long
  • Next visit to the clinic isn't until Sunday, so a nice break of just taking my Estrace.
On the down side, since Mr. Lina was squiring me to appointments, I took my car in for an oil change, tire rotation, etc.  Apparently there were 3 or 4 other things wrong with it (I was given the full list between intralipids and the nap, I vaguely recall the conversation) so my car had to stay the night and I have a bill with roughly an extra decimal point from what I thought it would be.  My credit card is going to be doing the funky chicken pretty soon between the IVF, drugs (which I should get some money back from insurance, but right now it's on my card), intralipids ($750 each time) and now the car bill.  As much as I won a good chunk of change, it's not enough to put a big dent in those bills. 

And on the down side, I can't find my camera.  And I do have pictures I'd like to take.  Hrmph.  It HAS to be around here somewhere.

Friday, May 24

Three Cheers for Fridays!

I love Fridays.  So much potential with the weekend ahead, just good things to look forward to.  Let's start with the clinic, it's been a busy day on that front.

Today started with a visit to the clinic, the usual blood work and ultrasound for Day 3.  Day 3 visits require both full and empty bladder ultrasounds and well, I did a very good job of filling my bladder.  I could barely get my pants undone.  It was also hard to empty it all for the second ultrasound, even when it felt empty the tech said it wasn't.  If it was an IVF cycle and we needed exact measurements, I suspect she would have sent me back to pee again.  Problems you'd never think you'd have to worry about.

I start Estrace today.  3 tiny little pills every day to get my estrogen levels to the right place until Sunday June 2nd (Day 12).  Tuesday (Day 7) I'm scheduled for intralipids and the endometrial scratch.  Sadly, the timing is less than ideal.  My doctor has to do the scratch so that's booked for 8am.  The intralipids are booked for 12:30.  It's about 35 minutes drive to the clinic in the morning, 20 minutes .  I guess I'll be going back and forth a fair bit on Tuesday, it's not worth waiting around for 4 hours to save 40 minutes of driving. 

Yesterday was my last dose of Humira.  It came in a different format, more like your typical needle with a plunger rather than the pen format (picture an epipen where you press it to your skin, press a button and the needle triggers).  I liked the syringe.  The needle is crazy fine, you don't feel it going into the skin at all, but the drug stings.  With the syringe, I could control the speed of the injection and go slowly, letting it spread slower I guess.  A minute with an ice pack after it was done and I was fine.

And last bit of clinic news, it seems my thyroid level is elevated again.  They say it sometimes elevates on Day 3 so they want to recheck before putting me on medication.  That's two cycles in a row.  Mr. Lina is going in for his screening blood work tomorrow, hopefully they can fit me in at about the same time.

So it's Friday, what's up for the weekend?

Tomorrow night is the year end party for my bowling league.  We're going to the Mandarin (chain of Chinese buffet) and my walking/bowling friend is having some people back to her place.  That works for me, it's stumbling distance so we can both have a drink (or three).  I can't say I'm thrilled about the Mandarin (buffets and my food allergies do not generally mix well) but I haven't been in so long I'm hoping for the best.  Maybe it's a good thing if I can't eat most of what is on the buffet, easier to take smaller portion sizes but harder to get veggies on my plate.  I hear they do sushi now, that would be a HUGE improvement for me.  In my league, we win money.  Everyone wins something, just some more than others.  Tonight I'm going to meet with a few other league exec's to do the envelopes.  Fortunately it's close to home so I can get a little exercise and walk.

Hopefully after the quick trip to the clinic we can get our new patio furniture together.  The last step will be filling my planters so the deck is the welcoming place it should be.  And Sunday?  Sunday Mr. Lina is doing movie stuff that doesn't involve me.  Hopefully I'll have a clear head and can get into the sewing room!  Yay!  That also gives me time to set up the post for the Pattern Pyramid.  There are some pretty awesome patterns in this package.

Wednesday, May 22

And I'm Back

Welcome to the happiness that is Day 1.  I woke up to find out that my period has arrived.  YAY!

I'm so glad that didn't drag on.  First because I don't like the side effects of Provera (amazing how much more awake I feel today) but also because now the FUN STUFF begins!  YAY!

So what's next?  I'm in for blood work and ultrasound on Friday (Day 3, full bladder appointment).  That appointment (if not sooner) I'll be told exactly when to start other drugs etc.  My third dose of Humira is tomorrow and I've got all the drugs for the rest of the cycle at home.  It was a rather sizable bag they handed over the counter.

Good times, good times.

Oh, except the cramping.  I swear I get 2 hours of being happy that my period has arrived and then it's onto the Advil train.  Let's have one more YAY! before that sets in.


Tuesday, May 21

Nearing the end of the crazies

Victoria Day weekend was lovely, warm afternoons, relatively warm nights...  Perfect for camping.  It really feels like summer is here and winter isn't going to sneak back and screw things up.  Until May long, you can't be sure that we won't have a killing frost here, so it's safe to put tender annuals in the ground now.

Being away has helped me deal with Provera.  When I posted on Friday, I thought I was doing pretty well - no tears or hot flashes, just this brain fog.  I guess because I have to work harder through the fog, when I got home on Friday, it was like I melted.  I didn't leave work as early as I hoped, things came up for my client and I couldn't abandon them.  I felt rushed, stupid and tired.  When I got home, Mr. Lina was grumpy and said something that set me off.  I was about to go bat shit crazy on him, it would have made our worst fight look like a happy family moment.  But I knew that I was going to say things I would regret, once I started there would be no filter and I couldn't sort out what was real emotions and what was Provera induced fury.  So I bit my tongue and let him leave for camping (we needed to take both cars anyhow).  He knew I was mad, but I told him that he really didn't want to hear it.  I don't think he made it to the end of the street before I fell apart.  I cried so hard and so loud that it's probably a good thing that no one lives in the other side of the semi at the moment.

And I felt better.

Oh sure, I still wasn't thrilled with him, but the blind rage of every unspent emotion was not sitting at the surface like a powder keg with a short fuse. 

And when I got to the camp ground (ah, more 2 hours after him), he was happy.  And he knew that he needed to pull out the kid gloves and make things right with me.  I found over the weekend that  I did not have the patience that I usually do, or the ability to see humour in things that are annoying, but nothing I couldn't walk away from.

I took my last dose on Sunday night, now I'm just waiting for my period to arrive.  As "okay" as I feel, I know I'm going to feel much better the moment it arrives.  The sooner the better because then all the good stuff happens.  I'm picking up all of the drugs tonight on my way home from work.

I need to get back to Alma.  Every morning is a reminder that my summer closet is not very work appropriate.  Version two of the front has been cut out...

Friday, May 17

Victoria Day List

Provera is making my head rather fuzzy, paragraphs are challenging so let's go for a list...
  • It's actually Friday, not Tuesday!
  • 4 of 7 pills have been taken of Provera
  • No hot flashes, no tears, no apathy
  • Horrible brain fog.
  • Grocery shopping with brain fog is not very efficient or effective.
  • I wanted to buy non-paper tape for wrapping up my toe (it still aches with some motions) and Mr. Lina's hand.
  • I am sure I looked at cloth tape
  • I am sure I priced out that the roll was cheaper than the tape dispenser.
  • I bought paper tape.
  • It's a long weekend - Victoria Day.
  • We have an unofficial early close, if nothing is due, you can leave early.
  • Like I should be trusted to get anything done without errors when I can't buy cloth bandages.
  • I am 7lbs down from my high weight and feeling rather happy about that.
  • The strategy to make better choices is working and one good choice reinforces wanting to make the next good choice.
  • My pants fit better, I don't feel bloated, it's
  • I think I felt a small earthquake this morning.
  • The Pattern Pyramid has arrived, post and contest to come soon.
  • It's almost time to go!
  • Yay!

Tuesday, May 14

Weekend Reboot

  • I woke up and hit snooze
  • I don't have to wash my hair this morning, I can sleep a little longer.
  • I hit snooze again because it's Friday, meh.
  • My drive is predictable on Friday, snooze a 4th time won't hurt.
  • I finally got up and turn the radio off. 
  • It's Friday, no need to reset it for tomorrow.
  • I brushed my teeth and thought about the upcoming long weekend.
  • I'm not ready for camping, so it must be next week.
  • 'Cause, you know, it's Friday.
  • I got into the shower and start to wake up.
  • And realised it's Tuesday.
  • Tuesday.
  • 3 days to get through before it's Friday.
  • That's a whole lot of time.
  • It's like my brain wants a reboot, restarting from May 10th.
  • Sigh.

I mentioned we did a lot of visiting over the weekend.  On my quest to make better decisions for my health, I think I get a shiny gold star.  Twice chips (a serious weakness for me) were around and I ate a grand total of one handful of chips.  It did help that at the second party they didn't refill when the first chips were gone.  I had lots of fruit, vegetables, small piece of birthday cake, was the DD for both events so no additional alcohol calories.  Actually, I did such a good job of having normal portions, my stomach was grumbling at 1am both Friday and Saturday night.  We stopped for late night food both nights but I aimed for smaller portions, cheese quesadilla (LOTS of salsa and cilantro) that I shared with Mr. Lina and a small chicken wrap at Wendy's.  I managed to weigh a little less this morning (I didn't weight myself Monday, I needed a full bladder at 8am for the ultrasound, I start drinking the second I wake up) than Friday, so again, a weekend win.  Tonight I'm going for a walk with a friend I carpool with to bowling.  We both want to get moving and it's more fun to do it together when schedules allow.

I've just confirmed we'll be hosting with Home Routes again in the fall/winter.  I don't know all of the artists that we'll be hosting, but I'm super happy to have Bill Bourne coming to my house in November.  He's from Alberta, has a very wide range of styles (so hearing one song is not really representative of everything), and a great stage presence.  I get the impression he's kind of quiet, we'll see if that's true.

Monday, May 13

Need a weekend from the weekend

I drove well over 400km from 9pm Friday night to 8pm Sunday night.  That's a lot of time in my car.  And where did I go?
  • 40th birthday party
  • 3 year old birthday party
  • "Old friend passing through town" party
  • Visit with my high school friend (who now lives in Manitoba) and her baby
  • Mother's Day with my parents
Busy, busy, busy.  I did manage to sleep in there somewhere.  I'm looking forward to more sleep tonight.  I survived Mother's Day (typically a sore spot for me and as we found out last year, I'm not alone), no tears at all but I did flip the radio a few times to avoid overly sappy content.

Owing to the above schedule, time in my sewing room has been limited.  The Leafs making it to Game 7 has cut into some evenings.  In theory, I could sew, but it's been a really exciting series that sadly came to an end tonight.  I have cut a new front to the Alma blouse.  I have lots of fabric and I'd like to see how that works prior to removing the pins and changing Alma #1 for comparison. 

I was into the clinic this morning for a check if I ovulated.  Not surprisingly, my ovaries are not cooperating.  I took my first dose of Provera when I got home from work.  This drug (for me, every person is different) is the one most likely to make me crazy - moody, depressed, hot flashes, apathy, fun stuff.  On the plus side, the weekend approaching is Victoria Day weekend and I have the Monday off and I'm going camping.  This will help me cope.

Forms are signed, FET is paid for (and costs less than the two doses of Humira, you know how many air miles I'm getting out of this?), prescriptions (6) have all been sent to the pharmacy, all that is left to do pre-cycle is get Mr. Lina in for the screening bloodwork.  I am got a little more information today on two aspects of the protocol for this FET.
  1. I won't be taking Lupron - the drug that stops my brain from telling my body to make hormones.  I'm not sure why but it seems that he's changed his protocol for everyone so there must be some research to back this up.  It sounds like my dosage of Estrace (estrogen) will also be different from before.
  2. Two forms of progesterone - Prometrium are pills that I have used most cycles and makes me sleepy.  They are adding a vaginal cream product.  Last time I used two forms of progesterone I took the pills during the day and cream at night.  Apparently this time it's the flip - cream 3x per day (so, um, one of those times is going to be at work) and pills at night. 
    • I'm not suppose to have sex a week after transfer, if I'm using vaginal cream 3 times a day it's going to be a lot longer than a week before Mr. Lina wants to visit. 
    • I stay on progesterone supplements until the end of the first trimester. 
    • Progesterone supplements start around Day 14, so 10 weeks of vaginal cream (assuming all goes well).
    • I am going to be sooooo grumpy.  I like sex.  It's good stress relief.
    • After Mr. Lina had his vasectomy reversed, he couldn't be aroused (never mind sex) for 6 weeks.  The longest 6 weeks of my life 
    • Near the end of the 6 weeks, I blew up at him for wrapping cheese the wrong way. 
    • On the plus side, I'd have a baby to keep me happy and a reason not to lift anything where post reversal, all the lifting had to be done by me. 
I won't be into the clinic again until my period arrives and I have my Day 3 appointment.  We'll just have to see how I manage from now until Day 1.

Thursday, May 9

Humira #2 - Check

The deck is about as sanded as it's going to get.  Mr. Lina has had enough of this step, next up will be staining.  We have to let the weather/schedules coordinate for that.  They are calling for a bit of rain over the next few days, we'll need a day of it being dry before we can move forward with staining.  Here he is hard at work on Monday night.

I took my second Humira dose today.  It's weird how the medication hurts.  The needle is very fine, but the medication kind of stings.  On the plus side, it doesn't hurt for long and it's all fine now.

At 6:40 this morning the phone rang.  My alarm doesn't go off until 6:50 so this was literally a wake up call.  It was the receptionist at the clinic booking my appointment on Monday.  She asked when I wanted it and I said about 8:00, my usual time, if it was available.  She said "For you, honey, I would do anything and I mean that".  Seriously, people take my lack of success pretty personally there.  So full bladder at 8am on Monday.

I was not very productive at work yesterday.  I just couldn't get my head nor heart into it.  At least today I am going out to a client site to do a little lunch & learn (sans lunch, so just a learn?) session that will make me focus.  I was reading through my own blog, reviewing the FET last year.  Seeing what I wrote about, reminders to myself, what I might have glossed over (not much).  I realized I have been saying I've been pregnant 6 times since last year and it's actually 7.  Who the fuck forgets these kinds of numbers?  I am all for willful ignorance, but I didn't think I let myself go that far.  Let me recount (apparently for my sake, not yours).
  1. IVF #1 - negative on first pregnancy test, the only cycle this happened.
  2. FET #1 - embryos from first IVF, chemical pregnancy.  Devastating because I had no coping skills but it lead us to a great therapist.
  3. IVF #2 - miscarriage - passed both pregnancy tests, nothing was there for my 6 week ultrasound.  Horrible, horrible day.
  4. FET #2 - chemical pregnancy
  5. FET #3 - chemical pregnancy, pretty sure the failed test was Thanksgiving.  A handful of people were in the know, the glass of wine in my hand was the signal not to ask.
  6. IVF #3 - Passed first test, declining on 2nd test, failed 3rd test. 
  7. Natural pregnancy - Figured out I was pregnant December 27th, test on the 28th with HCG well over 600, ultrasound dated me at 7 weeks 5 days, miscarriage at 8 weeks 1 day, Jan 10.  Fucking nightmare.
  8. FET #4 - last cycle I blogged about, great pregnancy tests, bleeding day after second test (Sunday) and through that week my HCG levels slowly declined, gave up on Friday.
It really is 7.  Amazing how our mind hides crap from us, isn't it?

Tuesday, May 7

It's going to be a good day

Blood work and ultrasounds are generally done quickly at my fertility clinic.  I mentioned I need to get some blood tests done that aren't done in-house by the clinic.  There is a Life Lab near my home, the web site says it opens at 8 (sign on the door says 7:30), I figured I could get to work for 9:30 without too much of a problem.

Sign #1 this was going to be a problem:  Line up out the door at 8:03.  That's the line to hand over the paperwork.

Sign #2:  Giving up my seat not once, but twice to people I felt needed it more than me.

The staff were great and doing what they could, but it was just more people than they could really handle in a short amount of time.  I felt so bad for elderly people with canes (and some of them fasting for the blood work) having to stand in line just to check in.  There was no way I was going to let them stand after waiting so long.  4 little vials of blood and I got back to my car at 9:40 and it was about 10:15 by the time I was at my desk.  So while not a great start to the day, it reminds me I have a pretty flexible employer.  This is something to appreciate.

I was the lucky winner of the Pattern Pyramid over at Country Girl Couture.  How cool is that?  It put a smile on my flustered face this morning.  I suck at getting things in the mail but I'm going to try my best to make this give away work.  Get ready to sign up!

Seriously someone is looking out for me.  I have two client sessions coming up, sort of light training/lunch & learn kind of things, I'm looking forward to them.  Both have been in planning stages since the end of March.  I don't know how it happened, but both were scheduled for Thursday at 1pm.  I was trying to find the words to postpone one of them when an email showed up cancelling the one I wanted to move.  The client feels schedules are too busy and want to push back to June.  That's twice with this client I have had moments of "oh no...." (in October I accidentally copied over my presentation the day before I was to give it) only for them to cancel (last time a key person was in the hospital, I felt bad for celebrating).  Now I can seem accommodating, not an idiot who let Outlook schedule two things at the same time.  A thousand thank yous to whoever is looking out for me. 

Here is hoping this good streak continues through June...

Monday, May 6

Weekend Review - Bras & Decks

All in all, it was a really good weekend.  Super productive, lots of fun, worked my ass off.  It's like Ontario finally decided winter is over and skipped right to summer - lots of sunshine, warmth, the city just greened up overnight.

Our back yard has a two tiered deck.  We've had it painted twice and while the fence and vertical boards still look good, the horizontal boards flake by the end of the summer it's painted.  It was looking pretty awful this spring.  Our patio furniture is plastic that was given as a wedding present and while it's still functional, the time outdoors has not been overly kind.  The past two years we've said we'd get a new set and reached August without buying anything. 

I should have taken pictures on the weekend, but this is all I seem to have of the back yard, me in a Renfrew (and self made rather pointy Elan bra) and snow covered.

2012 - from upper part of deck.
Winter view looking over the upper part down to the lower part.

Mr. Lina decided enough was enough.  He sent me a link to patio furniture on Thursday afternoon, as soon as I said it looked good he bought it.  New furniture means our deck needs some TLC.  He worked from home on Friday and he started on that too.  Many, many, MANY 4 letter word were in the texts and emails I got from him.  Paint stripper did nothing, the paint peeler was only effective where it was peeling, the neighbour saw him struggling and loaned him a sander.  Well he couldn't find the right weight of sandpaper, each visit to Home Depot making him more frustrated than the last... it went on and on.  It didn't matter what I said to try and keep this in perspective, it just made him angry.  Saturday he tackled it again and I was very happy to have plans that removed me from the house.

I went into Toronto to see Kristin at K-Line.  We had a lovely afternoon comparing bra supplies, bras (I bought a new one, Suzanna by Fantasie), I put on Alma and she pinned the back and made suggestions for me.  It was a really awesome day and time just flew by.  I did have a dyslexic moment where I wrote down her address inverted (i.e. I wrote 121 not 212) and the wrong number didn't have a house and I didn't write her cell number on the map I printed like I thought I did...  So I phoned home and Mr. Lina was particularly grumpy.  He looked up her email for me but I can't say I enjoyed that brief conversation.  I knew it wasn't ME that was the problem, but I had enough of being in the line of fire.

I went home to a husband who was full of aches from being hunched over a sander all day and too tired to be angry.  We watched the third period of the hockey game (Toronto vs Boston), an Italian zombie movie, I made dinner, rubbed a few sore muscles and we split a bottle of wine... Very calm evening and early to bed (well, for me at least).   I spent Sunday by his side sanding the deck and I got my old husband back.  He appreciated my assistance (and massages) and while it's not totally done, we're down to the last quarter, maybe less.  It's good to have him back.

So no sewing but a very busy weekend.  I'm eager to transfer those changes from the blouse to paper. 

Thanks for the comments and support in the last email.  I will post about my efforts to make better food choices as a way to be accountable to more than just myself.  I did relatively well this weekend.  Today is a Monday where I weight pretty much the same as Friday (possibly 0.2lbs less, I can't remember the decimal from Friday) and I call that a win.  Friday night we were playing board games with friends and chips came out.  I tried to hold off, but once I cracked and ate one...  it was hard to stop.  Not a wise choice there, but all my other food choices were good on Friday.  On Saturday, I split a margherita pizza with Kristin and a salad, dinner was fairly healthy but what I'm more pleased about was a reasonable portion size and stopping when I was full.  With all that sanding, we stopped for a quick lunch of tuna sandwiches and I was too tired to make dinner.  We ordered take out sushi and edamame (rather fishy day now that I think about it).  So, a win in a healthier choice than other delivery options.

And FET updates... nothing going on but more communication from the clinic as to what's going on next cycle.  I wrote exactly that last post, but I got another email with a reminder that I'll be taking Fragmen (injectable blood thinner), Prednisone and the endometrial scratch (a small cut in the lining of my uterus).  I am really far down this path and my treatment is pretty far from standard.  But... they still try to use "standard" forms for me to outline treatment.  It seems like it's more work for them to cross out all the things that don't apply (or answer my questions when I raise an eyebrow) and write in the extras than to just start from scratch.  It's good they are writing things out in a document, and it did say I'm taking a brand of progesterone I haven't used before, but missed:  Fragmen, intralipids, prednisone, Provera, Humira, endometrial scratch, Lupron-Depot (which I still have not had conformation on) and Femara (again, no confirmation yet).  Kind of defeats the purpose of putting it into a document, no?  Emails are filling in the blanks but now I have details in multiple spots.  This doesn't stress me out, but I think it makes the whole cycle seem more overwhelming.

In the next 10 days or so, I need to:
  1. Get Mr. Lina in for his screening blood work.
  2. Sign all the permission forms.
  3. Blood work that the clinic can't do, pretty sure it's testing for lupus and other auto-immune, I did this two years ago maybe (and not covered by OHIP if I remember right). 
  4. Take Humira #2 on Thursday.
  5. Check with the pharmacy on all the other drugs that are being called in, particularly Humira #3 since they will need to order it in again and Provera/Lupron that will be for Day 21 (May 13).
  6. Send off all the forms to the drug company to claim Humira.  I'd like my $1,730 back.
  7. Pay for the FET.
  8. Actually do some work I'm being paid for.  My interest is waning as I'm looking forward to the cycle ahead.

Friday, May 3

WIP - Alma

What a week.  It's flown by so fast it's hard to catch my breath.  I have made some progress with my Sewaholic Alma, I have a few WIP pictures to share.  Not very flattering pictures, but that's what WIP and (hopefully) wearable muslin is all about.  Mr. Lina took these on Wednesday night but I didn't have a chance to post.  I made a little more progress last night but let's see where I was on Wednesday...

You'll notice the left and right don't look the same.  I (clearly) am not a small busted Sewaholic pear shaped model, a rather sizable FBA was needed.  Based on high bust measurements I cut a 16, but thinking about Myrna cutting a different size for front and back, I actually cut the size 14 for the back to see how that worked.  I added my FBA (can't remember how much, 1.5" maybe?  I think I needed about 3").  The thing is, I did a crappy job of lining up my darts.

What a mess.  My darts are way too low, there is extra fabric to pinch out and the lower darts aren't lining up with my bust.  I was rather disappointed but I could at least see where to start. 

So I marked my bust apex, redrew my darts and moved the waist darts to under my bust point.  (Side vent, after the terrible shaping above, I wanted to verify the right angle for bust darts and reference after reference would just say "and redraw darts to the correct place", and that correct place would be...?).

Don't I look perkier?  Not perfect but so much better.

Coming back to the top picture again...

On the right side I've pinned where I want the new dart to go under my bust (purple circle that looked far more noticeable when I added it).  The arrow points where the dart is.  When I did the FBA, I didn't think about how the lower darts would also need adjusting.

Last night, I fixed up both sides - tweaked the darts, gave them a better press and I based on the little sleeves to get a better sense of it without pins.  I didn't want to take it off.  I think I'm going to like this pattern. 

One question for those who have made it.  When I basted the side seams to check the fit, I started by leaving the zipper side open, but it seemed loose enough so I sewed it shut.  I don't need a zipper to get it off and on.  Am I leaving too much ease?  Is this normal?  Or is the zipper more important for the full sleeve options (I'm doing cap sleeves)?  I'm going to sew up the sides but I'd like to hear if there is a reason to add the zipper I'm not seeing.

So not much left to do.  I have not looked at the back with a critical eye, but it is not the obvious disaster that the front is.  There is space between my lower back and the blouse but I think it suits the style.  I think the most I'd want to do is end the back darts a little higher.  The sleeves need to be added on permanently and finish the side seams properly.  A quick hem and I believe this will be a truly wearable muslin, possibly even this weekend.  I don't think the pattern pieces will be going away prior to cutting out another one.

Is it the weekend yet?

Oh and not much to update on the FET.  I had some communication with the clinic about medications etc.  I will have 3 doses of Humira prior to transfer (so May 9th AND May 23rd - I'm going to need to buy more, $1,730 was for 2 pens not 3).  May 13th (Day 21) I'm in for blood work & ultrasound to see if I ovulate (doubt it) because that determines if I take Evil Provera or not.  Until then, I'm doing really well at taking my metformin, vitamins, (even flossing!) etc and making wiser choices eating.  I had some pretty bad PMS bloat going on with that period, I've lost 6lbs this week and I am quite certain that is not fat.  It's a good start that I'm aiming to build on in a very healthy way. 

You must read Falling Through Your Clothes today, it's exactly what I'm thinking about right now.  I'm not counting calories or following any stupid restriction (I am consulting a nutritionist, good timing for my work to offer up free access to a nutritionist for 6 months, no?).  I am simply paying attention to being hungry (which I have not been this week) and picking foods that are good for me.  I'm not happy at this weight, it does not feel comfortable.  My comfortable weight is higher than most charts, but it's a spot I can (generally) maintain and feel good.  That's what I want.