Check In

I have started posting a couple of times and I'm still struggling to find the right words.  I have so many trees that I'm struggling to see the forest.  Just so this isn't totally pictureless, I'm going to add a few vacation pictures from our time in Manitoba.  I came back to "bad things" and didn't really get to talk about our vacation.  It was very restful but I look tired in every picture.

In general, I'm doing quite well.  I've been able to focus at work most of the time.  I'm not a teary mess prone to negative thoughts, nor a complete space cadet (although I did leave my purse at home on Thursday).  I can see a little anger poking through now and again through sarcasm or self depreciating humour, but it's little peeks, not full blown craziness. 

Does this look like someone who slept 10 hours?

Physically, things are also good.  I pretty much fit back into my old bras.  The bruises on my abdomen are pale brown, if they were elsewhere you might think I missed a spot with sunscreen and have a strange tan line.  I somehow lost a little weight.  That has helped with my body acceptance.  I don't feel fat on top of not speaking to my uterus and I fit into another pair of pants.  I'm about 10lbs down from my high weight and looking at my book of measurements, my waist is the same size as it was in 2007 (granted it was an inch smaller in 2010, I still have a little ways to go).  I don't really have the resources to focus on weight loss, I'd just like to continue making wiser choices and keep an eye on my portion sizes.  I'm not in a rush and this seems to be working.

I am struggling to do some things I would have avoided while pregnant.  I guess to do some of these things I really have to be okay that it's done.  Really done-done.  This is where I see a little disconnect.  I'm not sad, I can talk about what happened and adoption, and yet I can't seem to accept a diet Coke or a glass of wine.  I am easing into these things and trying not to make a big deal of it either way (neither beating myself up for not being ready nor forcing myself to do it).  I'll get there.  I've had a few sips of Mr. Lina's beer and is it really such a bad thing to not have artificial sweetners?  Weight loss sure is easier if I'm not drinking a bottle of wine.

Mr. Lina is doing a little better too.  Not that we've talked much about the loss specifically, but we both seem to feel like we've said as much as we can on the previous losses and we are able to talk about what's next.  He is starting to say things that he will miss because we won't experience a new born baby.  It's a start.  When I went to see our therapist I went on my own.  I was worried at first she would think things weren't good with us, she's often commented on the strength of our relationship.  But she agreed with me, if he wasn't ready to talk to her, that's okay and it was okay for me to come on my own.  I'm pretty sure he's coming with me on Thursday for the second appointment.

Moving onto adoption is a big domino to over turn.  We had already said we would need to move, so naturally that's next on the to-do list.  (Side note, it's not Children's Aid Society/Family & Child Services (CAS/FACS depending on the region) that would require us to move, but this isn't our "with-kids-forever-house" and it's not fair to adopt siblings and realize 3 days in that there isn't enough space and putting them through more upheaval.  I'm not giving up my sewing room.)  I'm not sure how ready I am for that.  It's making me more likely to pitch things while cleaning up, but it's moving that makes me feel overwhelmed when I really think about it.  I'm not sure where we should go to, which employers we should focus on when picking a location, it's a lot to juggle and I don't like ruling out options.  Not to mention 9 years of crap in the house that needs to be dealt with.  I've packed up two clear 62L bins of fabric.  It sounds like a lot but it still leaves lots of fabric to work with should the muse strike.  I could probably fill two more and still have fabric out for a dozen projects.  Cleaning up my sewing room like this also made me realize just how many UFO's I have.  UFOs are something to contemplate another day.

In the meantime, I've ended up crocheting a lot.  Granted it's all the same blanket pattern that I made for my niece, but I find it soothing and it makes television time with Mr. Lina feel less... wasteful.  One project is in a white yarn that I'm not overly happy with.  It felt softer on the ball than in the project and it's made up BIG.  This is not going to be a baby sized blanket.  I need to buy another crappy ball of yarn because it's not long enough for the width and it's not so crappy that it isn't worth finishing.  So it's on hold for the moment.  While in Manitoba, I started a yellow blanket I'm happier with.  It's soft and the shells are smaller and popping to opposite sides nicely.  As much as I bought 3 balls of wool, I think I'll need a 4th, it's not getting a lot of height in the shells.  I put 27 shells across instead of 29 that the pattern calls for, but it is still going to need more rows to look balanced to the width.

And just a reminder that there will be a Toronto meet up on August 10th at 10am.  I am really looking forward to it.  FunnyGrrl is coming to town and the details are on her blog, Falling Through Your Clothes.  It looks like we're up to 9-10 people so far.

UFO #2

Last night I did step up to work on my second UFO.  I used Butterick 5147, I can't remember which dress view, I think the one with the wider skirt.  I have successfully done the top twice, tweaked it a bit as it gapes across the chest.  I figured I could do the dress.

My mom has been passing a lot of fashion fabric to me.  She hasn't sewn clothing for ages, most of this is from between 1970-1984.  Past that she was sewing as a business (occasionally for the three of us) instead of herself and it gradually was easier for her to buy clothing for us than make.  She gave me 4 pieces of somewhat sheer fabric a few months ago and this boarder print was my favourite.

I am honestly not sure what I was thinking when I decided to pair this pattern with this print.  The dress is lined and being sheer, that works well.  I have some stretchy beige fabric that will work well as lining.  But it has a back zip, it's too long, I was so worried about centering the fabric, I didn't think about where the flowers were going.  I was trying to puzzle this out last night and in following the directions, managed to create a Chinese finger puzzle by sewing the neck closed and the arms and trying to turn it out like the directions.  In the directions, there is a back zipper, so the back pulls through in two halves, not so with my version. 


Such a pretty boarder.

 I can fix this, I will fix this.  I will figure out how to put in a side zipper.  But not yesterday.  Not today.  I am realizing this became a UFO because I needed distraction and steps to follow, and this requires creative thinking.  That's just not me today.

I was at my parents house for a family dinner two weeks ago and I was given more of Mom's stash.  It's woolly and scratchy, definitely needs a lining.  The colour is a little more orange than I typically wear but I could work with that I think.  There isn't much, about a metre, I think it's going to have to be a skirt when motivation hits.

I am having a real Jamiroquai week.  I don't listen to a whole lot of truly current pop/dance/whatever, but I have a huge love for Jamiroquai.  I first heard Emergency on Planet Earth on my first day moving into residence at university, thought it sounded like Stevie Wonder on acid (and I loves me Stevie Wonder).  So, I end this post with a video.  I love the funky dance stuff, but some of the slower songs don't get the attention they deserve.  So Butterfly it is, it's a long version, but oh so pretty.

Friday rambling

Oh it's going to be a long day here.  So far it's off to a good start with a decent commute, but the to-do list is long and it needs to be done today.  I'm going to ramble a bit to clear out the cobwebs before I focus on work.

In cleaning up my sewing room, I found two UFO's.  One is from Stretch & Sew 1595.  It's a pattern I have inherited from my mom.  The pictures on my pattern are a bit different, but it's the same pattern as this:

Courtesy of http://vintagepatterns.wikia.com/wiki/Stretch_%26_Sew_1595

I made View C without the shoulder ties in early 2010.  I get a lot of compliments on this dress at work.  The neck as drafted is really high and the facing huge, I cut it lower.  I made a belt from 5" elastic that I put over the elastic waist.  Here is my first version of it with a tie belt from another top.  The other change is that I cut it too short forgetting it would drape, there is a 2" tube to make a bubble hem at the bottom.  It's a bit lost in the print but it moves nicely.  Sorry the picture is so small. 

I cut out another version, a geometric print in blue, brown, white and black.  The issue is the neckline.  I guess I tried cutting it lower, then it kept going off centre.  I remember putting it to the side a few months ago, I haven't quite got back to it.  The back of the neck wasn't sitting right, it's still not quite centred, the facing was driving me crazy.  Well, I futzed around with it last night, cut off the annoying facing, it's going to take some creative work to make this right.  I did not find the solution last night.

I guess part of the issue is that I don't love the fabric.  It's nice, but brown/blue just isn't that exciting the way purple is so putting it to the side was easy.  I'm also debating about making it more tunic length and making it a casual top rather than a dress for work.  The lower neckline would be okay if I do that.  I was talked into buying tights when shopping with a friend in March.  I have yet to find a way to style them that I like.  My tops just aren't quite low enough for me to feel comfortable in the outside world. 

The other UFO I'll talk about separately, but the issue here is the opposite.  I love the fabric, it's from my mom's stash from the 70's I guess and I'm afraid of screwing it up further. 

Well, that's enough stalling, time to get stuff done.