Pants Update & Dreams

I did a little bit of work in the sewing room this weekend and will be returning after posting this.  Friday night I washed up all the fabric (except the swimwear) and it all came out just lovely.  The cotton/silk was still feeling so very soft, the red cotton twill is still vibrant and ironed well.  So, all is good.

I cut up another vesion of my pants blocker with the tweak to the front suggested from the last pair.  The wiggle at the side seam is gone, there was some extra fabric between the legs, I'm still finding the right amount to tweak there.  Sad thing is I did that version in some striped fabric passed along by my mom that could be cute pj bottoms.  I should have noticed how clearly I could see the green cutting mat under it.  Let's just say I'm not taking pictures of myself wearing those shorts even for myself just to be safe.  Mr. Lina was very happy with the view from the back so a big high 5 to The Consultative Dressmaker for that.  He is sometimes vague when things don't look right because he doesn't have the vocabulary (it comes out like "there are pleats there" even though nothing is pleated, the fabric is folding into itself), but when things are right, he finds the words.  At this point I feel confident enough to try the red twill shorts.  That's up for this afternoon.

I am quite certain I was dreaming about fabric last night.  I don't remember the dream, but I do remember rolling over and thinking "Oh I'll have to put that on my blog tomorrow".  Damn it, why can't I remember what the heck was going on in the dream itself?  Bah.  I'll take it as a good sign that I want to be in my sewing room and my brain is probably working on the shorts issue and what to do with that cotton/silk stripe fabric.

Given that I have no pictures to contribute with my poor choice in muslin fabric, how about some music?  May 12th we're hosting HOTCHA!  There is a bit of audience noise, but you'll get a feel for the pace of most of their music.



UPDATE:  Picture of my red shorts that are still a work in progress.  I still have too much fabric between my legs but wow, pinning did not work out.  Sure, I pinned out the extra fabric but the back side became a sea of wrinkles.  I'll keep fiddling around, but I thought I'd share my afternoon of work with you.

A little extra fabric in the thigh, but not bad through waist/hips.  Invisible zipper at centre seam.

Hmm, what's that extra fabric poking through by my leg...





What the heck is going on back there? 







Not too bad after pinning, you say?



What happened to my nice bum?  Pinning fail.



I may have gone to Fabricland

And if I did pass Fabricland... things may have followed me home. 

All I really wanted was some bottom weight fabric that wasn't expensive but nice enough to wear as shorts if they turned out and not black so the wrinkles will photograph for feedback.  I was working on the pants blocker last night and I think it's looking okay.  But the few bottom weight fabric I have are either not something I would wear as shorts or I would be upset if it turned into a wadder.  I knew I could make a little detour today on my way home and find something suitable.

Little did I know they would have an incredible selection of cotton sateen and other fabrics that were at least 40% off.  Such hard decisions had to be made.  Really hard.

In the end, I bought a bathing suit fabric that is on the far left in the picture.  It's a panel piece, mostly black with a big, bright blue swirl 4 times over the 90cm (1 yd) piece. 

I have made a bathing suit before and adore it, I have another piece of swimwear that will be a bathing suit at some point... so why buy this?  I find most of the swimwear at Fabricland has a white background.  Now I do line my bathing suits, but I don't like starting with a potentially translucent fabric and it's a lot of work to end up with something I won't wear because of colour.  This piece was originally $18/m and on sale for $8/m.  For $7.20, I can't lose.


With a pencil crayon (I mean, coloured pencil) for perspective.

The pink stripes on the left was in the remnant stacks.  You can't really see the stripes well in the top picture so I took another picture inside the house above.  60% cotton, 40% silk, it is light as a feather, slightly sheer and it feels divine.  Originally $25/m, I got it for $6.25/m.  I bought 2m.  I have no idea what I'll do with it, but I just had to take some home.  Suggestions?  I'm not one who is typically drawn to stripes.

Next is the red cotton twill I bought to test out the pants blocker.  I think it could be fun summer shorts, possibly a skirt depending on what is left.  I bought 2m, 40% off, $11/m marked to $6.6/m.

And the 97% cotton 3% spandex sateen... There were soooo many prints I was drooling over, I'm sure I'll end up buying another print if I went back.  This one is pretty vibrant, I thought of my inner Oona and tried not to fear the colour.  It could be great with black details to tone it down.  That was 50% off too, started at $18/m I paid $9/m for two metres.

Last but not least was the end piece of cotton (it is from the "Madras Collection" for those of you with Fabricland nearby).  It's 100% cotton except for the metallic thread running through, very similar to what I've ear marked for my pj's (although my pj print doesn't have the metallic threads).  After realizing the state of my summer pj's and the interest to try out a few different styles, at $3/m it could be handy.  I got the last metre on the bolt.

I do shop faster than I sew, don't I?  This is why I have not been into Fabricland for a while, I get into trouble every single time.

Coo roo coo coo coo roo coo coo

Ah the Great White North.  If you never had the pleasure of seeing SCTV or Bob & Doug McKenzie (Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas) the subject line won't make sense.  I put a short clip and introduction at the bottom that will remedy that.

After looking into the pyjama/pajama situation, I've ended up following other paths regarding language.  A few words have been listed as Canadian slang and I didn't think they were exclusively Canadian words (or usage of words).  Now a lot listed are names for cities, like Hogtown for Toronto, Cowtown for Calgary, the Peg for Winnipeg.  Or nick names for alcohol based on the sizes available and the way they sell them in various provinces.  I go to the liquor store or The Beer Store, in Manitoba I'd go to the LC or a beer vendor (often prefaced by the street/intersection to say which one - the 24th street vendor).  Some words are really regional, like Tanit-Isis and her bunny hugs or socials, buck & does, stag & does and shags are all the same thing depending on where you are.  I once heard Tom Power (of the CBC and Dardanelles) introduce the band in a thick Newfoundland accent using as many expressions as he could and I didn't understand a damn thing he said (which was the point as humour). 

But are these really Canadian?  I guess you don't know when other people aren't using the same words until you ask.  So do you use these?

• Slack/slacker - being lazy.  I use this all the time.  Frankly I'm slacking just by reading that list.  They say it's used for low quality, and I might say someone slacked off making something but I wouldn't say something is slack (unless there was extra rope where it should be taught)
• Deke - as in to psyche out someone, to deke them out.  I wouldn't use this in conversation, feels more like a hockey term to me or something I would have said as a kid and outgrown.
• Pencil crayon - seriously?  No one else calls them pencil crayons?  Coloured pencils just sounds... backwards to me.
• Flippin/friggin - hmm, I actually like freaking I suppose, but again, didn't think it was a Canadian substitution and I don't know that I'd write it all that often, very much a verbal substitution.
• Giv'n'r - I associate this with my brother in law.  I just thought it was a boy thing, not a Canadian thing.
• Housecoat -  I guess I might say bathrobe, nah, it's a housecoat.
• Randy - As in frisky or horny.  I once chatted (I had a huge problem with chatting at one point) with someone named Randy.  His last name was Cummings.  I thought he was kidding.  He may have been, it was only online, but man I giggled at that mix of first and last names.  Wouldn't you?
• Rippers = Strippers.  Mr. Lina uses that term more often than not, me less so.  Or he will say "the ballet" or "the dancing ladies" if he wants to be fake-sneaky. 
• Had the biscuit - I can hear my mom saying bit the biscuit to say it's dead.

And Mr. Lina is sending me more pictures of lambs and sheep.  Sigh.  You'd be surprised how many pictures of lambs there are out there.  I know I am.  Of course, it's also augmented with the fact that about every 4th picture of lambs is actually a baby with something lamb or sheep related around it.

To preface the clip, SCTV was a Canadian sketch comedy show, produced by the CBC.  The US had two extra minutes of commercials, so the CBC asked them to create some Canadian content (generally referred to as Can-con here) to fill the gap.  The writers at SCTV thought this was silly.  It was being filmed in Canada, the vast majority of the writers and actors were Canadian, everything they did was Canadian.  They created a sarcastic skit pulling out every Canadian stereotype going.  This throw away skit (unscripted, just the two of them improving with a single camera man) ended up gaining enough popularity for a movie, Strange Brew.

Pajama Planning

I did not realize there were multiple ways to spell pajama/pyjama.  Quite often Canada sides with the UK on spelling, adding u's into words like neighbour or humour, or re's for centre.  But we still pick up phrases from the US, pants are not panties in my mind (my MIL would call underwear gotch, sometimes gitch), my car has tires not tyres and if I had an extra tire, it would go in the trunk not the boot.  Did You Make That spells it py, but the pa was how I typed it without thinking about spelling and that's how it was spelt for the movie Pajama Party.  I turned to google for clarification to find my confusion is a Canadian thing.  http://grammarist.com/spelling/pajamas-pyjamas/

Pajamas and pyjamas both mean loose-fitting clothes worn for sleep. Pajamas is the preferred spelling in American English. Pyjamas is preferred in most varieties of English from outside North America. Canadians are inconsistent on the issue, though they prefer pyjamas by a small margin.

I have my fabric all washed up.  It seems to have washed well although it creased a bit at the cut edge.  I had zig zagged the cut edges, it seems to fray as I'd expect from a woven but ridiculously so.  I like that it has a little texture to it so it will look intentionally wrinkled in the morning.  The colours here are a little warmer thanks to the lighting in my sewing room, the green stripes are a pretty vibrant lime colour.  You can see a bit of the creasing (and zig zag) at the fold.

PJ's (neatly avoiding either spelling camp) can have many objectives.  These are going to be cool pj's for hot nights and I figured I'd go through my existing pj's and patterns to figure out what I actually like to wear.  You know I really don't have anything I want to copy?  All of my summery pj's are oversized knit tshirts/tank tops and shorts with Winnie the Pooh on them.  This cotton is not a knit and I don't really want something ridiculously oversized that I feel I'm wearing a tent.  I also would like enough bust coverage that it's okay to step into the backyard and be seen by my neighbours.  The bottoms I'll work with my pants block as a starting point and use existing pants to figure out ease, oddly enough, I'm not worried about the pants.

I do not have a wide assortment of patterns.  I try to purchase patterns carefully or supporting people like Colette and Sewaholic.  Quite a few patterns in my collection are from Mom so they run the gamut of clothing for her and kids patterns.  Nothing that I have in envelopes is really suitable.  I turned to the patterns I've got from Lekala (who spell it py), I think I like the top for 5252, this one is also available with Modern Sewing Patterns

http://leko-mail.net/bt/5252.jpg

Things I like...

• Wide shoulder straps
• No sleeve
• It is intended for wovens
• Princess seams should give the illusion of curves

Things I'm not sure of

• Buttons?  I'll have to think about that, could be cute, could be annoying.
• Will likely have issues of the bust area not lining up with where my braless bust ends.  I did find that the "red slip" princess seams did fit well sans bra so they may have already worked that in the pattern.

I do like that red slip pattern (Lekala 5241), it crossed my mind to just make it shorter, but I would like a little more to the straps so it feels less revealing to guests.  The straps are the bias tape that is all one piece from one strap, across the back and around to the other strap.  I think widening the straps requires more effort than just finding another pattern that would work.

So I dunno if I'm heading into TMI, but I tell you if I'm ovulating so I'm not sure that I really understand the limits of TMI.  When it is really hot, the big problem of staying cool is skin to skin contact.  Be that between the two of us or between my legs or... under my breasts.  It gets freaking hot there where the under part of my breast sits against my rib cage.  Bras deal with that in the daytime but I am not wearing a bra to bed because it's hot.  So one thing I kind of like about having sort of cups to the top is it could help with that.  At least have fabric in the area I can tuck around.

If not this, then maybe just a Sorbetto tank.  It would be easy...

Out of the Loop

I feel a little out of touch on blogs.  The weekend went by in a blur of food prep, grocery shopping, going to the clinic and hanging out with Mr. Lina.  Yesterday was a zoo at work, so I feel like I'm playing catch up today.  It's not many days, but I still feel a little out of touch.

Friday night I went through my stash and found the fabric I was thinking of.  I did buy 2m so I should be good for making pj's.  It is a pretty multicoloured stripe with a bit of wrinkle to it, it's going to be perfect for hot weather.  Sadly, I didn't photograph it (bad blogger).  It did not look like I had pre-washed it so Friday I sewed up the cut ends and washed up that and a couple of other light coloured fabrics in my stash. 

Going through the stash to find it reminded me that I bought a few really nice summer weight fabrics last year.  I have a black eyelet that would be so pretty as a dress I think.  Something simple so the pattern of the eyelet can take centre stage.  Maybe put a bright colour behind it.  Plus some black linen, white linen, a patterned linen.  Some of them might have a little rayon mixed in but I know linen was the dominant fibre and what attracted me to the fabric in the first place.  With work places that tend to run hot rather than cool, I think some linen work wear would serve me well.

Annie Lou were fantastic.  Anne Louise and Kim are really sweet, easy to get to know, very happy with our set up and audience.  We had a good turn out of 18 (+2 who paid but couldn't make it, thanks Air Canada) and a two year old.  I thought they were bringing the fiddle player, but Kim plays banjo, and a couple of songs Anne Louise switched to the banjo as well.  It was lovely after the show to see some people commenting on Facebook that they didn't know banjos could sound that good.  They have a new CD that just arrived yesterday, I'm looking forward to hearing it.  The second CD is "Grandma's Rules for Drinking".  Anne Louise heard her mother telling her niece Grandma's rules for drinking and she just had to turn it into a song.  It's quite amusing, I wish I could find a video for the song.  Good thing I don't drink gin, Grandma says it's not good for your complexion.

Kim Barlow, me, Anne Louise Genest, Mr. Lina

I am still figuring out the best way to do afternoon shows.  Usually we feed the artists dinner, they put on the show, they stay the night, I put out breakfast options.  But the afternoon show makes dinner seem odd when you've just snacked all afternoon but often the musicians don't get a chance to snack because people are talking to them or they worry about food flying when they sing, or dairy adding phlegm.  So they need dinner and we don't.  For this show, Anne Louise wanted to stay the night with family in Toronto, so they weren't staying late.  We invited them to come for 1pm for lunch, then we could chat, they would have time to get comfortable prior to people arriving at 2:30 for the 3pm show.  My parents arrived at 1:45.  I still needed to cut up mostly prepped food (maki with smoked fish instead of raw), put out the veggie tray etc.  My kitchen is not organized for two people to do anything so arriving early does not help.  Mom can't hear if you aren't looking at her so even talking and chopping is difficult because I have to stop chopping to look at her and reply.  Going to the clinic from 9-11 also had me feeling like there would be more time for prep than there was.  I was a bit flustered when people started arriving.

For lunch, I made Greek Lemon Soup and a sandwich.  A clear soup and I sort of made a muffaletta and let people cut off what they wanted from a loaf of bread sandwich.  The soup is easy and was very well received, I would serve it again to guests.  Here's the recipe.

1. Bring 4 cups of chicken broth to a boil.  I made about 2 cups of broth boiling a chicken thigh, onion and some cabbage and added 2 cups of bouillon.  You'll want this to be quality broth be it homemade or purchased.
2. Whisk 4 eggs in a bowl.  Add 3-4 tbsp of lemon juice (I used half fresh, half bottled and did a half assed measuring job while squeezing the fresh).
3. Slowly add 2 cups of hot broth to the eggs, whisking as you add the broth.
4. Add eggs and broth back into the pot.  Whisk for the next 4 minutes as the soup heats up and thickens.

Pretty simple, eh?  A lot of recipes call for rice, and I can see how that would be nice, but I liked that it was a lighter meal (and faster) without it.  I floated a slice of lemon to make it look pretty, the book this is from also suggests asparagus tips.

And the clinic...  No surprise here, it is looking doubtful that I will ovulate this cycle.  There are follicles, but they are all tiny.  Considering Sunday was Day 12 and in theory for a 28 day cycle you would ovulate on Day 14, it ain't happening.  If I don't ovulate, then my period won't arrive while taking Lupron-depot so I have to take Provera.  Next appointment is the 23rd (YAY!  I so thought they would make me come in this week just to see if I did ovulate) and depending on how that goes, it is likely that I will be in on the 24th for my Lupron-depot injection and they are going to do an endobiopsy.  So, nothing to do until next Monday.  I had a chat with my manager of what can happen while I'm on Provera and he's totally supportive of me working from home for a day or two and just letting people know I don't feel well enough to come in but well enough to work.  Good enough for me.  Then I can cry when I need to and move on.  I really do have a supportive workplace, I try to count that blessing as often as I can.

Friday Ramblings

It is the end of the week and that's a good thing.  I decided that today is going to be a little warmer than it has been and I have my purple Renfrew on, I could go with a lighter coat.  I didn't think to check the pockets of the coat I have been wearing.  So guess where my cell phone and my change purse (which has all my money and basic ID and bank cards) is?  I never pick up change in the morning, never.  For whatever reason I picked up $3.75 so I thankfully can buy a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch to augment the apple, cupcake (bake sale yesterday, how can I say no to the Kids Help Phone Line?) and cup a soup I have at my desk for emergency late nights.

Time for a Friday list, lets start with the non-sewing life stuff...

• Mr. Lina is heading to London, ON tonight, his movie is being screened at Shock Stock
• It's just too awkward to get me 190 km (two hours without rush hour traffic or stops) with a pit stop near Mr. Lina's work in time for the 8pm start time so I'm staying home.
• He is quite excited that the person who played Jason in a number of the Friday the 13th movies is going to be there.
• Another reason for me to not go.
• Oh these mochaccinos are freaking good.  I'm going to be in trouble when I go caffeine free in May.
• House concert on Sunday afternoon, we're hosting Annie Lou Duo, we saw them as a foursome at OCFF in 2010, I'm really looking forward to getting to know Anne Louise
• I'm going into the clinic on Sunday morning, Day 12 appointment (blood work, ultrasound, nurse, pretty standard stuff).  We will be looking to see what's going on with my ovaries, if follicles are developing, if I might ovulate on my own.  So interesting maybe, but nothing earth shattering, just the first of a few appointments next week.
• Oh and I find out if they are doing a biopsy of my endometrium this cycle too, they weren't sure on Day 3.
• Nothing will come of those eggs even if I do ovulate, but it's about getting the right timing for Lupron-Depot shot and starting the EVIL provera. 
• I hate provera.  Synthetic progesterone and I do not get along.
• Which reminds me, I should give my manager the heads up about that on Monday.
• I should also call the pharmacy and pick up the Lupron-Depot etc just so I can say I have it on Sunday.
• Cold is in the last little stages.  I still blow my nose more than normal, but not excessively. 

And on the sewing front...

• Thank heavens I made my Elan 610 bra so tight, it has stretched considerably and I now wear it on the second hook - tight but comfortable.
• The cups are also improving (part of this is mental), they actually keep their shape after I take it off which kinda cracks me up.
• I wear it unless my outfit dictates otherwise, purple/black do not work with all shirts, but it is now my favourite bra option.
• I can feel an itch for another starting, probably not this pattern, but another me-made bra so I can rotate more.
• I was commenting about stash and the pajama party and clicked about a cotton that may already be in my stash and would work.
• I bought it after making some baby outfits (for kids who are now two) figuring it was on sale and it would be good to stash for the next baby I felt enough strongly enough about to sew for.  It would be perfect for pj's because it was just colourful stripes and 100% wrinkly cotton.
• I bet I only bought a metre because I was planning baby outfits.
• I wish I was home to figure that out right now.
• Even if it is a metre, I could find a solid to match the stripes and make a fun set and still sew from the stash.
• With Mr. Lina gone tonight, not many plans for tomorrow beyond house cleaning, I should have some time for sewing.
• I know I don't sew often midweek, but every night this week has had something going on or someone in my house, I'm looking forward to just being alone with a project.
• PMS/menopause insanity that comes with Lupron and Provera will make for a pretty terrible week leading up to my period starting, it's a good time for sewing.  Focusing on one stitch at a time keeps me from crying.  I have some time yet before we're there, but it's good to plan out some sewing because I likely won't have the interest to start something without making decisions ahead of time.

So what's up in your house?  Any good plans for the weekend?

And here is Annie Lou, the lead singer and fiddle player will be at our house as a duo.  We were in the audience for this performance.

Pajama Party!

Oh, no, not that pajama party.

I'm going to join in on the PJ party that Did You Make That is hosting.  I think it will fall in nicely with the pants blocker that I have been picking away at.  I had time to sew on the weekend and did not, I just poked around the stash a little bit.  Pants are really what I want to work on next, but that's thinking sewing.  All this nose blowing has my brain cells rattling around and not interested in thinking unless I have to.  But that will not last much longer, there has been improvement every day.  Ease and fit are not the same for pj's as trousers, but I think it could still be helpful in understanding crotch curve etc. 

I am torn on what to do.  Should I buy some fun patterned seersucker and make summer pj's?  I could use something light and cottony.  I have two cotton nightgowns that are good for when it's truly hot, but that's about it and both are well, old.  And I don't really want people to see me in either nightgown, they are old and thin to the point of somewhat sheer if there is light behind me.  Not so good for lounging or stepping out to the backyard to water plants.

Or, do I make something warmer?  I bought some fleece backed pale purple satin ages ago.  I have two pairs of pj's I adore, but really they are both over 10 years old now, they aren't as fleecy on the inside as they were even if they still look good on the outside.  They are men's styling, with a collar and pocket and piping.  I do love them when we have guests and I want to look nice-ish but not sexy in the morning (more Hugh Hefner, less Playboy bunny).  I bought the fabric with that kind of pajama in mind.  Stash busting is a pro here, but the top will need some thinking to it and take a fair bit of time for what is in my head. 

In all honesty, I don't wear pj's to bed all that often.  Mr. Lina and I typically sleep naked.  I do wear pj's when we have guests (or if I am a guest) or if I go to bed first.  I have a tendency to sleep walk when I'm stressed, I rarely go far, but I get very vivid dreams and start acting them out.  Dreams that make me walk are generally reoccurring dreams.  When I was a lifeguard in high school and university, there were 2-3 pool related dreams I rotated through if I worked more than 40 hours a week, particularly if the bulk of those hours were in the water teaching lessons rather than on deck guarding.  I have come to realize my current reoccurring sleep walking dream is tied to being naked.  If I go to bed first, I hear Mr. Lina coming to bed and I don't think it is him.  Then I feel embarrassed that someone is seeing me naked who isn't my husband and I walk over to my cupboard to find something to wear.  Typically, I have a specific article in mind so I will hunt until I either find it or wake up.  It is to the point that if Mr. Lina hears me starting to move while he is coming to bed, he will say "It's just me, go to sleep".  And that is usually enough for me to settle.  If I wear pj's to bed when he's staying up to play video games, sleep walking is averted.  Pj's are also lounge wear in the morning so they do get use, just maybe not as much as other households.

Burn Test

A bit ago my mom sent some fabric my way.  I really liked this one, lovely colours, pretty pattern, feminine but not girly.

It's quite thin, a loose woven and feels like it should be cool to wear.  I was thinking Sorbetto, underlined in cotton, add some flutter sleeves so I can wear it to work.

There is a bit of a mystery as to where this fabric came from.  My mom has never ever been to Europe, her grandparents came from England and Scotland, but I think Hawaii is the only place she's been outside of the US and Canada.  And yet this piece of fabric was priced in pounds.  So strange.  With it being a remnant and it does have a mark along the selvage, it wouldn't have been a gift from a visiting relative.  Someone must have given this to her at some point.

I was thinking it would be cotton blend of some sort.  Although it's soft, it did feel a little like there was something not quite natural fibre to it.  It had creases after being folded up so long and ironed well.  I thought I'd do a burn test.  It just... melted.  No black beads, most of it stayed the colour of the fabric.  Once cool it's hard and will snap.  Parts did seem to go a little grey rather than the blue of the fabric.  I wish I could tell you about the smell but my sinuses are still uncooperative thanks to this never ending cold.  So is it nylon?  Acetate?  I cut the snipped from the marked area at the selvage so the fabric looks a little darker here.





The concept of a burn test is so much easier than the application.  The results never seem as clean as the chart.

And a happy Easter everyone.  We're off to my parents for dinner in another hour or so.  Just 6 of us for dinner so far as I know, Scot and his wife will be there too.  It should be a nice evening.

Big Thoughts

I am slowly recovering, each day is better than the previous but there is still a lot of crap coming out of my sinuses.  Coughs often linger for me so I don't have high expectations for that.  At least I slept pretty well last night.

Today was my Day 3 appointment at the clinic.  Nothing special at all, Day 3 is essentially getting baselines.  I was expecting it to be a bit chaotic there as the other monitoring offices would be closed sending everyone to the head office which is my usual clinic.  I was in and out in record time, I got to read one page of a book.  Wonderfully strange.  They took a ton of blood.  I haven't been to the clinic in ages so they have to do the 6 month STD update for both Mr. Lina and I.  It's not good when the printed stickers list is as long as my forearm.  Thank heavens I don't freak out about needles or I'd never have made it this far.

I was reading blogs yesterday and there are some really big emotions going on out there.  It's so wonderful to read people sharing.  I love every single fabric post, the finished garments, the tips, the tricks, but don't you all feel a connection going on here?  We are a community that extends beyond just the hobby we share (or don't share as the case may be).  The more honest we can be with each other, the stronger those bonds become and the more someone else can say, hey, I'm not the only one who feels like that.

I tried writing a post about 6 times yesterday, the words were there but jumbled and mixed up.  I started writing my blog in part because I wanted to comment on other blogs, but I also had things to say if only to myself.  Looking back, I remember being happy around Summerfolk, even that feels like there was some shadows around the edge.  I am absolutely happy in moments and some wonderful things have gone on, but it's been hard too. The timing is about the same time as when I started my blog.  I wasn't aware of it at the time, but maybe part of me knew I was going to need this outlet.  I like to think it has been good for me.

Lately I have been feeling okay.  I have had some very good days at work.  I was a bit leaky yesterday but reading about big feelings will do that.  Being sick has put a big hold on bothering to feel anything other than ill.  Starting things with the clinic keeps the holding pattern crazies away, I really do better when things are happening.  But...

I have also been putting off doing scary things.  One big scary thing.  There is an opening I'd like to apply for, location is closer to home than my clients and would allow us to move to a smaller community so we would both have better commutes.  I have updated my resume, but not done the cover letter.  Being sick is poor timing indeed, this is the kind of thing to write with a clear head not clouded with neocitron.  The last cover letter I wrote was over 6 years ago, I'm a bit rusty.

But I wonder if I'm using being sick as an excuse.  It's scary.  This is a very big domino to push over.  This would be with people who already know me so there are some potential implications even just applying.  Both good and unknown and well, potentially not so good.  I've got a really good flexible work hour things going on here, my new manager really likes me and respects my abilities.  And tossing my name into the ring does not mean getting a job, there are lots of gaps in my skill set for the role in mind.  It's a good fit for me, not necessarily the best for them.  So, part of me is a bit annoyed that Mr. Lina mentioned it to his parents.  I like keeping stuff like this to myself in case nothing comes of it (although you don't count, you can keep a secret, right?). 

Big scary feelings to feel, actions to do, changes to make.  There are an awful lot of big thoughts out there, those are a few of mine.

Ugh..

That little cough on Friday?  Oh boy.  Saturday I was a little horse but not too bad, stayed up later than I should and when our company left on Sunday, I fell apart.  I can't remember the last time I felt as sick as I did on Monday from what amounts to typical cold/cough symptoms.  I took Monday and Tuesday off work, I'm back to work today but kind of questioning that call as the day goes on.  I'm clearly not functioning on all cylinders but I can't use all my sick days just yet. 

I wasn't even up to reading.  I mean seriously.  Me.  Not reading.  I tried reading an email from my mom, saw a wall of text I couldn't face and closed it.  I think I made 3 pages of headway in a book I've already read  I couldn't even find the focus to read blogs.  The best I could do was send Mr. Lina the occasional "I am alive" email and slink back to the couch.  So weird.

So I don't really have much to say.  I've watched 13 hours of the UK version of Being Human, 6 episodes of X-Men cartoon circa 1992 (it stood up better than I expected), Hello, Dolly! and Take Me Home Tonight (eh.. better to watch an actual John Cusack film).  I picked Being Human because it vaguely triggered a memory of a Lazy Subcultural Girl Sci Fi Sunday review (although she's watching the US version).  I liked the first episode, next thing I know, I'm 5 episodes in, Mr. Lina is home from work and I'm explaining who is who so that he can watch it with me.  Sadly this meant that yesterday I didn't want to watch it without him, so I picked movies he would likely never want to see and waited for him to get home.  Highly addictive and very much a drama.  Which is good, laughing leads to coughing. 

Oh, and today is Day 1, generally something to celebrate.  36 day cycle is damn near regular for me.  I'll be into the clinic 9:30 Friday morning (there are no statutory holidays for infertility, Good Friday is just treated like a weekend) for an ultrasound and quick chat with a nurse.  At least it won't interfere with work after having two full days on the couch.