Tempered Optimism

Holy shit I passed.

I started writing this whiny "oh I don't know about this" "man I'm scared" kind of post at 10 or so this morning and put it to the side.  I cried driving to the clinic.  I've done next to nothing at work, just moping along, thinking of all the bad things that the clinic could say in calling today.  Would it be an HCG number of 8 where yes, I'm technically pregnant but we all know this isn't going anywhere.  Or flat out nothing happened and every change in my breasts is just from the prometrium?  That happend the first cycle, IVF/FET do not have success rates of 100%, so this is always possible.

111.  One hundred and freaking eleven.

So let's get some perspective on 111.

• Most of my chemical pregnancies are under 20
• One that lasted a little longer started at 54 and was at 34 two days later
• My first miscarriage with the clinc was 71
• Home tests are sensitive to 25

There is an article here on the probability of outcome based on HCG levels 12 days after transfer on day 3 embryos  from 2002 by P. Poikkeus, V. Hiilesmaa and A. Tiitinen.  This chart is of particular help in seeing the potential outcomes.  No one more than I knows that passing a pregnancy test does not mean you get a baby.  I am also a little different from their test subjects in that I had a day 5 embryo and thus tested on day 10.  From a cycle perspective, it's the same, but day 5 embryos do show a better success rate because some of the weaker ones would not make it to day 5.  Still, this is good guidelines on what 111 means.

http://humrep.oxfordjournals.org/content/17/7/1901/F2.large.jpg

111 puts me in the 107-131 range with what looks to be about a 68% chance of a live singleton, 22% of miscarriage.  I am the kind a girl that drives that 22%, but you can see what 111 means in a relative sense.  It's good, not so good to expect twins, but good.  Also interesting about this research:  "Male factor infertility and ICSI are associated with relatively low HCG values in viable pregnancies."  We get a tick in both boxes.

Next steps?  Pregnancy test again on Saturday at 9am, if that goes well I'm scheduled for another round of intralipids on Monday morning.  HCG levels should double every 48-72 hours, if it's not going up at that rate, then odds are things will not progress to that mythical live singleton.  I'd want to see 200 or so on Saturday.  This is also why I did not mention my longest pregnancy, it was natural so we didn't find out I was pregnant until I was well over 600.  It's not a fair comparison if you don't hold the cycle day constant.

I will not be able to post the results on Saturday because we should be out and about in Toronto.  Mr. Lina has friends from university who presently live in Vancouver visiting for the weekend.  We've promised spending the day with them and Mr Lina's ex and her husband.  As soon as I can get myself near a computer, I will upate you all because that means more to me than today.  I've been here before. 

But it feels damn good right now.