I have survived Mother's Day remarkably well. I was too busy to over think it, too tired to care, my favourite radio station did not do a big contest and read sappy letters. All in all, it was okay. The house concert made Saturday just a zoo. The artists showed up around 1 for lunch, guests at 2, most guests left around 5:30, those that travelled farther and close friends stayed later. My parents and brother were the last to leave around 11.
HOTCHA! were great. We ended up with 19 adults and 11 kids. Kids break down into 3 two year olds, 3 four year olds, 2 five/sixish, and then the 3 seven/eight year olds, 8 girls and 3 boys. Can you say crazy? It was wonderful. The kids paid attention to various degrees, some ended up in the backyard looking through the open window behind HOTCHA!, snapping their fingers, dancing, it was hilarious and put new meaning into the peanut gallery. There were a few 4 year old tears when it was time for people to leave. A good time was had by all.
The 4 year old who did not want to leave is a snuggle-monster. When we are at their house (which isn't all that often as it's nearly 2 hours away) she often curls up in my lap as it gets later into the evening. Well... she decided to sit between Mr. Lina and I during the second set. Then she started leaning on me. Then she had her head pretty much in my lap, so my arm when around her. Next thing I know, I've got a little girl all snuggled up in my lap tapping along to the music. It sure felt good. And it had me thinking about that lap of mine as Mother's Day was approaching. It is a damn fine lap for holding little people. And yeah, a single little tear may have escaped, but it felt pretty happy looking forward to sharing that lap rather than looking back at what didn't work.
And looking backward is usually what drives me crazy in May. Something in the media reminds me that it's approaching while I'm driving and my mind can wander. I start thinking back to a year ago and what was going on, and then further and further back until I'm just a mess of tears. My first miscarriage, if that was a full term baby would have been about 4-6 months younger than the little girl in my lap. When I'm already sad, that is what I focus on - the should have and could haves. It was good to be living in the moment.
It has me realizing that the sadness and numbness I've written about, it's not there. Oh I know I have a bruised and battered heart, I'm not saying it's gone. But today, today I'm good.
And Avengers, well worth the time. I do recommend seeing the movies leading up to it (Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, Captain America) if you care about character development. Moments like Thor pausing before reaching for his hammer will mean more, the growth of Tony Stark isn't apparent if you don't know where he came from. That said, it is a superhero movie, if you didn't see the others, you'll catch on to the plot just fine. And hello Hawkeye. You can just drop by any ol' time at all.