Tuesday, May 15

Happy Tuesday

I have survived Mother's Day remarkably well.  I was too busy to over think it, too tired to care, my favourite radio station did not do a big contest and read sappy letters.  All in all, it was okay.  The house concert made Saturday just a zoo.  The artists showed up around 1 for lunch, guests at 2, most guests left around 5:30, those that travelled farther and close friends stayed later.  My parents and brother were the last to leave around 11. 

HOTCHA! were great.  We ended up with 19 adults and 11 kids.  Kids break down into 3 two year olds, 3 four year olds, 2 five/sixish, and then the 3 seven/eight year olds, 8 girls and 3 boys.  Can you say crazy?  It was wonderful.  The kids paid attention to various degrees, some ended up in the backyard looking through the open window behind HOTCHA!, snapping their fingers, dancing, it was hilarious and put new meaning into the peanut gallery.  There were a few 4 year old tears when it was time for people to leave.  A good time was had by all.

The 4 year old who did not want to leave is a snuggle-monster.  When we are at their house (which isn't all that often as it's nearly 2 hours away) she often curls up in my lap as it gets later into the evening.  Well...  she decided to sit between Mr. Lina and I during the second set.  Then she started leaning on me.  Then she had her head pretty much in my lap, so my arm when around her.  Next thing I know, I've got a little girl all snuggled up in my lap tapping along to the music.  It sure felt good.  And it had me thinking about that lap of mine as Mother's Day was approaching.  It is a damn fine lap for holding little people.  And yeah, a single little tear may have escaped, but it felt pretty happy looking forward to sharing that lap rather than looking back at what didn't work. 

And looking backward is usually what drives me crazy in May.  Something in the media reminds me that it's approaching while I'm driving and my mind can wander.  I start thinking back to a year ago and what was going on, and then further and further back until I'm just a mess of tears.   My first miscarriage, if that was a full term baby would have been about 4-6 months younger than the little girl in my lap.  When I'm already sad, that is what I focus on - the should have and could haves.  It was good to be living in the moment.

It has me realizing that the sadness and numbness I've written about, it's not there.  Oh I know I have a bruised and battered heart, I'm not saying it's gone.  But today, today I'm good. 

And Avengers, well worth the time.  I do recommend seeing the movies leading up to it (Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, Captain America) if you care about character development.  Moments like Thor pausing before reaching for his hammer will mean more, the growth of Tony Stark isn't apparent if you don't know where he came from.  That said, it is a superhero movie, if you didn't see the others, you'll catch on to the plot just fine.  And hello Hawkeye.  You can just drop by any ol' time at all. 


  1. You just break my heart sometimes.

    1. Well... a comment like that leaves me at a loss for words. Thank you.

  2. Glad to hear that Mother's Day went okay this year. Perhaps it's because you're taking steps and moving forward?

    The Hubs and two older boys went to see the Avengers and really liked it, but I opted to skip it. Out of the previous movies, I've only seen Thor and I'm iffy on superhero movies anyhow. I do like me some Jeremy Renner; he was in a short-lived cop show called The Unusuals with Amber Tamblyn. Good show, too bad it wasn't picked up for a full series.

    1. Moving forward is a huge part of it. I think I've said it before, as hard as the roller coaster of treatment is, it's better for my mental health than waiting.

      Actually I think plot wise, Thor is the right one to see because it's all about Loki and the Tesseract. If it airs in your house, it's pretty funny.

      Jeremy Renner was my first to google out of the movie. Sometimes there are people you've seen and just didn't know it, but I think the only thing I've seen he's been in is 28 Weeks Later. Too bad indeed, I would be happy to see him in an ongoing series.

  3. This is so beautiful and poignant. I really hope you have someone small to curl up in your lap all the time, very soon (lord knows my kids will still land in mine at just about any opportunity, and Tyo is getting HEAVY). It's a good counter to the parts where they drive you totally batty.

    We all enjoyed Avengers quite a bit, as well. Although I somehow hadn't noticed, through all the lead-up movies, that all the Avengers except Black Widow (who, of course, didn't get her own movie) are male. That was irksome. Not that she didn't kick plenty of butt... I especially loved the interplay between Tony Stark and Bruce Banner. :)

    1. Thanks. I'm glad to hear the lap sharing time continues for a while.

      Are you familiar at all with the source material? I haven't read it all, but Mr. Lina has educated me on a few points. It's a good discussion point.

      So the good... Black Widow and Agent Maria Hill (Nick Fury's right hand girl, Cobie signed a 9 picture deal, we'll see more of her) are the two female characters for Avengers. Neither actually have super powers like Thor, Hulk, Captain America nor quite the technology that Iron Man has. But, both are bad ass. Neither are there to be a romantic foil to the men (although there is history between Black Widow & Hawkeye, that isn't moving the plot along like say... Hulk/Betty or Thor/Natalie Portman's character, Tony Stark/Pepper Potts). I'd say that's a win that the women are there on their own merits beyond having a nice rack.

      The down side... Avengers has a long history, starting in the 60's with Iron Man, Ant Man, Wasp (female), Thor and Hulk. In the comic, the thawing of Captain America is one of the early issues so he's considered a starting member too. Black Widow isn't listed there, but technically, she's part of SHEILD. If they stuck with the actual starting line up, we'd still be short on women, but if you look through the 50 year history, almost every Marvel hero has been on the team. Spider-Woman, Scarlet Witch, Moondragon, Hellcat, Ms. Marvel, Tigra, She-Hulk, Photon, Mockingbird, Firebird, Invisible Woman, Sersi, Firestar, Silverclaw, Echo/Ronin, Stature, etc etc etc... are all female options that they could include, but I know I don't know all of those characters and each have their own history with a specific time period for the Avenger team. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Avengers_members

      I gather from reading about production history there was some talk of doing Ant Man/Giant Man and Wasp (they are married, you'd need to have both to make sense) but honestly, I'm glad they didn't. From current stuff I've seen, Hank Pym (Ant Man) is an arrogant ass without Tony Starks charm and Wasp is the reason anyone tolerates him. One of the "moving comics" I've seen for the Ultimates version, it's as far as him physically abusing Wasp. Not kid friendly content at all. If you want to see more of this Avengers line up (without the outright physical abuse), it's on NetFlix in two animated movies. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ultimate_Avengers Also in the Ultimate Avengers, no one believes Thor about Asgaard etc, they just think he's a crazy environmentalist.

      I liked the Bruce/Tony interplay too. I was actually expecting that they would make more comments between Cap and Tony because Cap did know his father.

  4. Beautiful words, indeed. I have never longed to be a mother but just seeing an email from my nephew who lives 3000km away brings tears to my eyes before I even read it. (And he's a 14 year old boy so he certainly isn't writing anything touching.)
    I can see your writing being very helpful to others going through a similar situation. You are very brave to be so raw.
    (I am told I have to see Thor before I see Avengers. Too busy watching documentaries on Netflix.) :)

    1. Thor is the one to see. The others are introductions to the characters, Thor is the start of the Avengers plot.

      Teenage boys are not known for their touching prose to aunts, are they? Still, family at a distance isn't easy, I can see why it evokes a response in you.


Thanks for your comments, I love to have a two way conversation. I seem to be getting a lot of spam from anonymous users and am turning off the ability to comment that way. I really would like to hear from you so if you do want to add your two cents without an OpenId, email me at seraphinalina at gmail dot com.