Thursday, January 5

Friends with Ex's

Mr. Lina moved from Manitoba to Ontario with his girlfriend at the time.  Lots of other Manitobans followed them.  When I met Mr. Lina, it had been about 13 months since they ended their 7 year relationship.  While they weren't hanging out regularly, they were finding comfortable footing because of mutual friends.  All of his friends seem to have done what I think of as incestuous dating.  This baffles my suburban brain sometimes, I don't keep in touch with my ex's nor date my friends ex's (nor my ex's friends), I don't need to.  Small towns with a small pool of geek-friendly girls makes it harder to do that.  I saw his point about mutual friends and figured I could certainly be polite and civil.  We didn't have to be best friends.  Jealousy certainly wasn't a factor for me, I did feel anger about how they treated each other (sitting on a couch at her house that we were still paying off wasn't easy either, I'm told that made sense on paper).  It is surprising they stayed together as long as they did, but I think that has more to do with being stubborn than happy.  They are both good people who were so unsuited as to be comical.

She is getting married (for a second time, her first husband was an ass but that's a different post) in January.  I really like her fiance.  You can see that he loves her and values her, he will continue to care for her in a way she probably hasn't experienced in a long time if ever (I'm including time with Mr. Lina in that, those were not happy years).  We went to her first wedding, they came to our wedding, we're going to the wedding coming up.  I did skip her shower, I wasn't interested in going and fortunately it was while we were in New Orleans so I didn't have to make up an excuse to not buy her a toaster she doesn't need.  That said, I am going to her bachelorette party next weekend. 

At the NYE party, sewing came up.  Dave's girlfriend saw my Colette book under the tree and it turns out she sews.  Next thing I know, we're all talking about sewing, things I've made, bras and... I'm taking measurements for making lingerie for Mr. Lina's ex.  I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to go that route, but part of me doesn't want to buy lingerie that likely won't fit her and I did buy some fabric with her in mind last time I was in Fabricland.  Adding to this, we had a whole drunken (her more than me) heart to heart where she told me that she thinks of me as one of her close friends and how happy she is that we can be good friends.  It left me at a bit of a loss for words.  Net-net, I'm on the hook to make something for the 14th.

A few thoughts on what will suit her and things to consider in picking what to make:
  • She has a curvy, pear shaped figure
  • Similar bust measurements to me, but adjustments would need to be made to the hips
  • She is not confident in her body, she would not feel good in something too revealing
  • Her weight fluctuates a lot but even at her recent high points, based on pictures from 15 years ago, it's a whole lot less than what she was.  Her weight is distributed differently than the tape measure alone implies and I think it's because some weight came off more easily than others.  Fabric needs to float away from her body rather than cling to bumps.
  • It needs to be simple, I don't have a lot of time to step out of my comfort zone for a practice run.
I am leaning towards Lekala 5241 (or Modern Patterns Red Slip).  I've made this for myself (sheer cheap polyester) and my SIL (polyester satin) and I like the way the princess lines slide over curves.  I feel pretty in my version  It's not hard to make, grading out the hips wouldn't be too hard with 5 seams to play with.  Only down side is that there isn't bust support that might be good for her confidence.

Lekala 5241 - Red Slip

Other thought is to look at my stretch lace and see how wide I have and do what I think of as my usual (which this group hasn't seen so it's not usual to them).  A band of wide stretch lace (hopefully 6") and a circle skirt hanging from there.  I wouldn't say the support from the elastic is great at my (our) size but it keeps the girls in place at least.  I purchased the original like this and I still like it 7 years later (although I like mine better).  Straps are usually made from the skirt fabric.  I could see this working for her figure too because it comes in snug where she is small and floats out from there.

I did see some fabric on clearance ($3/m) that I bought with her in mind.  It's on the grey side of black, the fabric is a little sheer, but it has very short (0.5cm maybe?) fringe all over so it's not actually sheer because of the layers in the fringe.  I'll have to update with a picture because it's hard to describe.  What I like about it (for her) is that it only hints at being sheer and the texture of the fabric will hopefully hide any lumps.  Black is always a sexy colour.  It will be an absolute mess in my machine and cutting area, just having it cut at the store created a lot of fluff.  I'm going to have to check for nap.  Lekala is cut on the bias if I remember right and I'm not sure how it would go for the circle skirt.  I'll do a little draping when I take pictures to see how that would work.

Any thoughts or suggestions?   I like to ponder these projects before diving in, but I will likely work on it Friday night or Sunday.  I guess I have been thinking since I bought the fabric in December.  That still leaves some time mid-week if things go horribly wrong.

I just got word that Clone and his wife have left for the Northwest Territories this morning.  I gather their plan had been to leave Tuesday, drive to Edmonton, meet up with a friend and drive together to Hay River.  The friend needed to adjust his plans to be in Edmonton this Sunday so they moved up their departure plans to today.  I'm sad and happy.  It's going to be an adventure for them, I'm glad I won't see her belly growing so I can stay in fantasy land where she's not pregnant until I'm ready for reality, but, I feel sad.  My therapist was suggesting that maybe I wasn't up to doing Boxing Day with my family, maybe I should back out for my own mental health.  I said no, it was too hard to do that, easier just to suck it up and go.  I'm glad I did, that's the last time I saw them and I don't know when they will be back or if I'll make the 4,500 km trip to Hay River.  That makes me sad.  I'll miss them.  Clone gives good hugs and his wife really wants to be my sister. 

On the bright side, this is a good kind of sad, not the depression kind of sad.  So good to feel that difference.


  1. Ha, my crowd is at least as incestuous as that -- possibly more. We all went to jr high or high school together, dated each other, etc. One of my besties is currently married to the guy I had my first date/kiss with. It's not really a big deal, as we wouldn't date each other now even if we were single -- totally incompatible. Sounds like this is the case with Mr. Lina and his ex, too. Because of the group nature of friendships like this, it's impossible to really leave your ex's behind.

    I agree that a slip is the way to go for a pear-shaped gal, particularly a less-confident one. I think a charmeuse with a printed pattern might be better than something with too much texture, but I'm having trouble picturing the fabric so I'm probably way off. I just bought Kwik Sew 3554, which has two good reviews on Pattern Review, but I don't know if that would meet your needs as the cups are gathered rather than princess seam. I think the gathers are more forgiving, and the way they fit the bustline might give a bit more support. Hard for me to say, though as I'm not well-endowed myself.

  2. The benefits of growing up in a larger town, not dating in high school and then going to university, I never had to make the choice of getting along with an ex.

    I updated some pictures. I do have some red poly charmeuse now that I think of it. I wasn't overly impressed with the quality, I should have dug that out for pictures too. Something to consider.

    That KS pattern reminds me of Lekala 5234 I have a digital copy of that I think...


Thanks for your comments, I love to have a two way conversation. I seem to be getting a lot of spam from anonymous users and am turning off the ability to comment that way. I really would like to hear from you so if you do want to add your two cents without an OpenId, email me at seraphinalina at gmail dot com.