Wednesday, January 9

Forward Motion

I think the last post was pretty much what I needed to write.  I noticed after that I have had more umph and looked for what I did do rather than what I didn't do.  I haven't sewn and I have still wasted time, but it was a choice to do the alternative activities not a passive "should have". 

On Boxing Day I started another baby blanket like the one I made for my niece.  I figured I should start another while I still remember.  I'm oh, about 20 rows into the centre part.  I think I'm suppose to do 72 rows in total (so 36 shells facing on each side of the centre block).  It actually feels pretty good to look at those 20 rows and know some of my tv time with Mr. Lina has been productive, creative and soothing.  I know I dragged my fingers (so to speak) with the edging, but I am really comfortable with the centre shell stitches and it is soothing work.  I'm not so thrilled with the yarn I bought, Mom says it's the control label brand for Michaels, I had no idea.  It felt okay at the store but the more I work with it the more I realize it's not as nice as what my MIL bought in the summer (Bernat I think).  I'll have to put something super soft on the edges to make it a little more cuddly.  Next time I'll be more selective in my purchasing.  Any tips on what to make baby blankets with?  I want something that launders well.  It's a baby blanket, someone is going to puke on it.  Probably multiple times.  I don't believe in making delicate gifts for a baby.

We went for a few walks last week, it was nice to get out in the evening and work in my oh so fashionable Sorell -70C winter boots prior to taking them snow shoeing (although with temperatures reaching 9C on Friday that may be a while).  However, Mr. Lina came down with a cold on Saturday and didn't want to walk.  I can't say I blame him, it's just a stuffed up kind of cold but it's still not fun.  I'm not keen on walking in the dark (the sun sets before I leave work) on my own so I'll wait until he is healthy before pestering again.  Bowling started up last night after a Christmas break and it was good to see people although I bowled quite horribly.  Both activities got me out of the house a little which is also good.

So maybe not sewing action, but there has been action going on. 

This will be a busy few days to keep me on my toes.  Financial planner is coming by tonight, my SIL and niece are visiting tomorrow night, Friday Mr. Lins is hosting "Shitty Movie Night" (any guesses on how many women will be attending?).  Saturday we have plans with friends in the evening (at their house), but we're going to do some errands and visit Fabricland in the day.  Yes, that does say WE and Fabricland.  The last day of filming for Tasha & Friends is coming up and they need the space to look like a television studio, including black backdrops to hide the parts of the big room that do not look like studio space.  So we're off to buy broadcloth and apparently I'm sewing it together.  I could do that shopping on my own, but it is for his movie, I'd rather have him see it to be sure that's what he wants. 

I try very hard not to remember sad dates, I'd rather remember someones birthday than the day they died.  I am sure it's why I find some months sad because somewhere in my brain I know there is a reason to be sad, but really, I can't be sad for 6 specific pregancies and survive.  I like to think of my past pregnancies as that, pregnancies that didn't work out, it somehow feels more positive.  Over the holidays, I found memories creeping into my head.  Passing the pregnancy test on Dec 27th and not going to work because I was too excited and confused to get my butt to work on time.  Trying to figure out when that pregnancy started and how far along I was.  Having a secrect for New Years Eve and fake sipping champagne.  I honestly didn't remember the date where the happy parts ended, I remember everything about it but the date was fuzzy.  Mr. Lina, he doesn't remember every date, but the big ones stick with him.  He reminded me that two years ago tomorrow was a very sad day.  I felt my heart break that day and I made noises I didn't know I was capable of making.  Tomorrow was one of the big ones. 

And what did I do?  I invited my SIL and niece over for dinner without realizing what day it was.  I hope that was a good decision.

I think that's part of what was (is) going on for me, this lead up to the unhappy stuff.  Pushing it aside and trying to forget and hiding from it all but knowing it's there.  And that's okay, I just feel better taking a little ownership over the why.  Mr. Lina, well, he keeps sending me updates on the sheep he passes on the way to work and pictures of babies and we have a kitten cam to keep us happy when things are not.  I'll never own cats because of my allergies, but I like them from a distance. 

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