That's about how I feel this week. I've been back since Sunday and I still feel... unplugged. Although I have done one load of laundry, my luggage is an explosion in the living room and the washed clothing are still in the dryer. I forgot to run the dishwasher last night so we're out of spoons and I think we have one fork left. I lost track of time and nearly missed a meeting yesterday. I made arrangements to pick up our taxes (yeah, I know that's suppose to be in April, the gov't owes us money so it's not so bad) on my way to work yesterday and forgot. My manager asked if I was okay because my voice didn't sound right. I was telling him that I'm going for my review appointment at the fertility clinic tomorrow and I'd be leaving work early for that only to be reminded it's an early close day. How do you forget to leave work at 1pm?
Mr. Lina and I didn't really talk about babies on our vacation. It's like there was a little moratorium on the topic. I talked to his mom a little about where things stood, I gather he talked to his dad (I think Satan might be wearing a sweater, his dad is not one to express emotion in words). But as the time in Manitoba came to an end, it was in my mind even if I wasn't saying anything.
Maybe next year we'll be bringing someone with us to Manitoba.
Maybe next year we'll have to put off our visit because I'll be pregnant or have a new born.
Maybe next year we'll have adopted and it won't be the right timing to leave, too stressful for little people who need routine and stability and may have bad associations with packing up suitcases.
Grandma was 50 when Mr. Lina was born, his mom is 64 now, my mom is 67. There is something sad in that.
My best friend in high school now lives in Winnipeg. She is pregnant and I am happy for her, but I couldn't see her. There was opportunity on the Sunday afternoon to see if she was free, but I just couldn't see her with her due date being well, now. I don't feel regret for chickening out, but I do feel sad I can't do it.
Mr Lina works for a pretty big company that is laying off a lot of people. A LOT of people. Thus far, his team has come out of it relatively untouched. But this week, things are not looking good. I'm not worried about him losing his job specifically. We've talked this over since the layoffs started and we'll be okay on my income and his severance for a while, he could work on his movies for the summer and focus on another job in the fall. We'd have to change a few priorities, but the mortgage will be paid. As Roobeedoo's daughter would say, LGO. But this feeling of the guillotine being close and not knowing who it will be... that's awful. He's talking about work in the past tense, it's just a rumour mill about who and when and how many... Let's say it's not helping the mood around my house.
This weekend... I am hoping to be more productive. We're going a Toronto Blue Jays game tomorrow night. In the "all you can eat" section, believe it or not. Hot dogs and popcorn for dinner. BBQ & board games on Saturday, Mr. Lina is doing movie stuff on Sunday. Somewhere in there should be time to revisit the purple silk noil dress and see if those bust darts look any better than they did prior to my vacation. I think I need a little push forward to move out of this unplugged feeling.