Thursday, July 12

Unplugged & Restless

That's about how I feel this week.  I've been back since Sunday and I still feel... unplugged.  Although I have done one load of laundry, my luggage is an explosion in the living room and the washed clothing are still in the dryer.  I forgot to run the dishwasher last night so we're out of spoons and I think we have one fork left.  I lost track of time and nearly missed a meeting yesterday.  I made arrangements to pick up our taxes (yeah, I know that's suppose to be in April, the gov't owes us money so it's not so bad) on my way to work yesterday and forgot.  My manager asked if I was okay because my voice didn't sound right.  I was telling him that I'm going for my review appointment at the fertility clinic tomorrow and I'd be leaving work early for that only to be reminded it's an early close day.  How do you forget to leave work at 1pm? 

Mr. Lina and I didn't really talk about babies on our vacation.  It's like there was a little moratorium on the topic.  I talked to his mom a little about where things stood, I gather he talked to his dad (I think Satan might be wearing a sweater, his dad is not one to express emotion in words).  But as the time in Manitoba came to an end, it was in my mind even if I wasn't saying anything. 

Maybe next year we'll be bringing someone with us to Manitoba.
Maybe next year we'll have to put off our visit because I'll be pregnant or have a new born.
Maybe next year we'll have adopted and it won't be the right timing to leave, too stressful for little people who need routine and stability and may have bad associations with packing up suitcases.
Grandma was 50 when Mr. Lina was born, his mom is 64 now, my mom is 67.  There is something sad in that.

My best friend in high school now lives in Winnipeg.  She is pregnant and I am happy for her, but I couldn't see her.  There was opportunity on the Sunday afternoon to see if she was free, but I just couldn't see her with her due date being well, now.   I don't feel regret for chickening out, but I do feel sad I can't do it.

Mr Lina works for a pretty big company that is laying off a lot of people.  A LOT of people.  Thus far, his team has come out of it relatively untouched.  But this week, things are not looking good.  I'm not worried about him losing his job specifically.  We've talked this over since the layoffs started and we'll be okay on my income and his severance for a while, he could work on his movies for the summer and focus on another job in the fall.  We'd have to change a few priorities, but the mortgage will be paid.  As Roobeedoo's daughter would say, LGO.  But this feeling of the guillotine being close and not knowing who it will be... that's awful.  He's talking about work in the past tense, it's just a rumour mill about who and when and how many...  Let's say it's not helping the mood around my house.

This weekend... I am hoping to be more productive.  We're going a Toronto Blue Jays game tomorrow night.  In the "all you can eat" section, believe it or not.  Hot dogs and popcorn for dinner.  BBQ & board games on Saturday, Mr. Lina is doing movie stuff on Sunday.  Somewhere in there should be time to revisit the purple silk noil dress and see if those bust darts look any better than they did prior to my vacation.  I think I need a little push forward to move out of this unplugged feeling.

In catching up on my reading, I've found a sew-a-long going on that I may be joining.  I say may because my wish list is long enough.  Dixie DIY is a new blog to me, but she's got a lot on undergarments and swim wear and is going to host a sew-a-long on Kwik Sew 3779, view B.  I have made this bathing suit, it's fantastic, I have bought bathing suit fabric intending to make it again.  The shirring is really flattering but not overly difficult.  As someone who's cups spilleth over in some bathing suits, this is good.  If I remember right, I made my top triangles a little wider and overlapped them just a little but I'm curious to see what Dixie recommends.  I know I didn't understand FBA at the time although I at least knew of them.  It feels covered and sexy at the same time.  I had two other bathing suits with me at the lake but I didn't want to wear the others.  I'm sure there were pictures taken of me last week, but here is the suit when it was new, in my kitchen.  Not really the best angle, eh?   
 

2 comments:

  1. I've been enjoying Dixie DIY's site! Her bravery in making bathing suits is inspiring. I have all the materials, but I've just been too chicken to press on and get it done. Now that I have a bikini underpants pattern that fits, I'm tempted to try my luck at swimsuits.

    The layoffs are nervewracking; we've been through those before but it never gets any easier. Hopefully, it will pass without incident or Mr. Lina will be able to find another job quickly. He's in IT like the Hubs, correct? Their job market is very volatile but also full of opportunity.

    I wish you luck on your childbearing journey! My grandparents were extremely elderly when my mom had me -- they waited to have kids and then there was an eight-year gap between my mom and uncle due to fertility issues. So they came to every graduation -- even my 8th grade graduation -- and party and etc. because they were SURE they wouldn't make it to the next one. Funnily enough, both hung on to see me married and got to meet my two oldest kids. So you just never know.

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    1. I can see how swimwear is a bit daunting. I know what it's like to find a style that suits in the store, to sew it all up and find it just isn't you is a risk. I think picking patterns carefully is really important. The actual process is not that scary.

      Things are looking a little better today on the work front, and yes, he does work in IT. There are jobs, but he's fussy. No weird hours, no on call, in the city he's presently working in if possible (which granted is small but becoming a tech hub).

      Now that's a great grandparent story. My Nana was 62 when I was born, 68 when my youngest brother was born. She lived to 86 but my brother doesn't feel like he really knew her prior to Alzheimers where I have memories of her being competent and an amazing cook. Those 6 years made a difference in how we remember our grandparents.

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Thanks for your comments, I love to have a two way conversation. I seem to be getting a lot of spam from anonymous users and am turning off the ability to comment that way. I really would like to hear from you so if you do want to add your two cents without an OpenId, email me at seraphinalina at gmail dot com.