- We went to see my doctor for our review appointment for pregnancy #7 (I still don't like the M word). I found myself reassuring him. He has done what he sees as the best options for us over and over and we still are not successful. His frustration is abundantly apparent. So I found myself using my own lines to him, that it's okay, this is just the path we're on and I still trust him. He can't be in my uterus making it happen, his best is good enough for me. In talking to my manager about this yesterday, I really felt the truth of that. Infertility is just part of who I am now, like my weird food allergies and the fact that I'm short, all of these experiences are making me into who I will be and I accept that aspect of it. He is going to a conference in early September, immunological issues in fertility is part of that so he wants to see us Sept 14th prior to starting on our last cycle (and I did say I'm done after that) in case something new comes out of it.
- Initially, I didn't like this, I don't want more time to waste away. Mr. Lina was the one to specifically ask if we should wait, but as I think about it, it is a good thing. Summer can go on as planned, my period still has not appeared and I'm not really sure what to count as Day 1 after all the prometrium to put off bleeding. June 3rd? June 8th? Either way, we're at about 35-40 days now for this cycle which is not unusual for me but I have a feeling this is going to be a long annovulatory cycle. Sept 14th is 53 days away. It would be missing one cycle, maybe two if I ovulate next cycle and it's short (for me). It doesn't sound so long looking at it that way.
- I think the clutter is really paralyzing me from doing things at home. I like a little clutter, but it is an overwhelming amount of crap we've let accumulate around the house. This is what happens when we don't entertain, there isn't someone else to clean up for.
- Mr. Lina is in movie mode. They will be filming another short film in August so there are many meetings and planning sessions going on. The Post-Lifers has got into a few more film festivals. Mississauga International Film Festival will be hosting them on July 29th so we'll be going to that. Finally something that is somewhat local for our friends and family.
- Weight. I did not put on as much weight as I often do in Manitoba (I have nicknamed it "the land of a pound a day" for a reason), but about 4 pounds did return with me and I wasn't happy with the number on the scale prior to Manitoba. They need to come off before they become permanent.
- On the job front for Mr. Lina, things are still unsettled but he seems less sad about it. Just in case he is laid off, he brought home his personal books and things. His manager (a friend prior to working together) has found another job so it's one less person to worry about. Mr. Lina found out that someone senior was asked for input on essential staff and Mr. Lina was included as essential, so assuming they listen to him things should be okay. As mentioned, it is less the financial side of a possible layoff, it's the sadness of leaving a place he wants to work at and uncertainty that is causing problems at the moment.
- I was happy at work yesterday. That sounds so simple, but it's been such a struggle to feel that way. I had things to do but not so much that I was overwhelmed. I had people asking my opinion about their projects and asking for help to learn software that is new to them. I left on time. It was a good day.
- I have made a little progress on the blanket I'm crocheting, I think I have about 10-14 rows left. So far, I'm happy enough to give it as a gift I also worked up the courage to ask my mom if Clone and my SIL know the gender of the baby and it seems like it might be a girl but they aren't sure. So I guess I'll be sticking to neutral colours. Makes sense for a first baby anyhow. I have to purchase the yarn for the boarder unless I just do it all mint green. The boarder is in two pieces, a bit of double crochet and then a ruffly shell, so I could do the double crochet in white or yellow to break it up and then the ruffly bit in the same mint green.
- I had all day Sunday and last night to myself. I did not sew, I thought about sewing. I went in my sewing room, and every time I walked back out. I don't know why really, but it just wasn't where I wanted to be.
I think I need to figure out what this short span of time IS going to be about and own that. There are things planned - going to a friends cottage, the movie shoot, Summerfolk, my birthday, guests from Manitoba, becoming an aunt, house concerts start up again in September.... no lack of things going on, but it still comes down to me seeing it as time well spent.