Wednesday, June 6

Pause Button

The clinic just called with my latest results.  I'm down to 75 now.  They still want me to stay on everything and come back on Friday for another test.  I guess they haven't given up yet.  It feels like a non-answer to me, just hitting the snooze button.

Cramping and bleeding seem to come and go.  The bleeding never stops but it varies from spotting to light bleeding.  I'll go a few hours of cramping and then it stops or at least eases.  Right now I just feel heavy around my uterus.  Not cramping, but I can feel the weight and pressure seems to be the best word.  It's hard to explain.

Mr. Lina stayed home with me today figuring the news wouldn't be good and he would want to leave work.  I will say it's nice being pampered.  He bought some groceries, drove me to the clinic this morning, made my lunch.  I check email, pick at my own work and mentor someone by email/communicator on a project.  So enough accomplished it's not a personal day but I sure don't feel like doing any intense analytics.  The time helping a coworker is better because I have to pretend and he's like a 24 year old puppy dog, all happy and eager to learn and feel included.

So more family complications.  I have spent the last few months pretending my SIL is not pregnant.  Next week my time in fantasy land has to come to an end.  They have decided than rather being alone with the baby and a plane ride away from a hospital she will come home for the birth and stay for the summer.  My brother (Clone) will be here for about 10 days or so and then head back.  Again, I find this all baffling but it makes sense to them and I don't know all the factors in their decision making.  Way back in November, my parents booked a week at their time share in Quebec starting the Saturday after my brother and SIL arrive.  So that leaves one Friday night (the 15th) that we can have a family dinner and "celebrate" -  both my brothers have birthdays in June, plus Father's Day plus Clone and my SIL being home for the first time in 6 months.  I am going a bit ostrich on this at the moment, providing a vague "I think so" to my mom (who doesn't know about the pregnancy drama going on with me, we wanted to save them some of the roller coaster but I think I'm going to crack soon) but Mr. Lina is not so interested in going.  It's hard to say what is emotions of the moment and what is real.  I'll stick my head in the sand a little longer.


  1. Aww, that sucks on so many levels. Extra hugs coming your way.

    I'm baffled as to why SIL would normally be a plane ride away from a hospital. Do they live out in the hinterland? Or am I just overly suburban?
    Anyhow, because I need permission for these kinds of things, I am now giving you permission to be heartily rude about the whole situation. Forget about the invitation. Leave town without notice. Get suddenly sick on the 15th. Whatever keeps your head from exploding. Dr. Andi says it's ok!

    1. You made me laugh, seriously, I'm surprised Mr. Lina didn't come up to see what was wrong.

      My brother and SIL moved to Hay River, Northwest Territories, in January. I gather they go to Edmonton (8 hours) to do any major shopping. Ever see the ice pilot show? I think it's on Discovery. I don't know which show but one of them has a pilot that commutes from Hay River by plane.

  2. Having lived in the far north I can understand them not wanting to deliver there.

    I am with Andi, you can have an infectious illness, an infected hangnail, severe allergies, whatever it takes to get out of the dinner, you have my permission as well to lie, cheat, and yes, even steal to get out of this dinner.

    I am so sorry you are going through this, I know you know that, but I felt the need to say it anyway. Hugs.

    1. The coming back to have the baby, I get that. Moving when they knew she was pregnant, didn't get that. My brother only being here for 10 days, don't get that. I'm kind of assuming he will come back closer to her due date but I'm afraid to ask.

      Okay, so two votes with Mr. Lina.

      Sometimes you just have to repeat yourself because it's true. I do know it but I don't mind hearing it again.

  3. Hugs. That is all. Just, hugs.


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