Oops

Once again, I've had a lapse in blogging.  It's not been intentional, I think I've been too tired to write.  When I do write, I seem to be too close to the events going on and it becomes like reading my day planner.  Not really the look I'm going for, you know?  So a few highlights...

Mr. Lina filmed another Post-Lifer film, "Oh Come All Ye Zombies".  This is going direct to YouTube, hopefully prior to this Christmas.  I did a few things:

• Shirt for a female zombie
• Appliqued humping reindeer onto a sweater for Humphrey (Mr. Lina)
• Yarmulke for Humphrey
• Food for cast & crew for the Sat/Sun

From a sewing perspective, all went well.  The shirt fit, Mr.Lina decided to use my (IMO) crappy first yarmulke not the second larger yarmulke (the down side of not being there for the first day of filming), but he seemed happy.  Food was well received, but there were a few glitches from my perspective.  The first being how exhausted it made me to do it.  The problem with craft services is that you're up prior to the first people going into make up (so they can eat breakfast) and I didn't stop moving until the evening.  I was being pushed to have a nap by one of the producers/actors and when I didn't listen to him because dinner had to get in the slow cooker if they wanted to eat before 9pm, he sicced the director on me.  I did have a nap once dinner was in the slow cooker.  Thank heaven I did.  Filming wrapped up at 10pm, it was 2am by the time I was home in my own bed.  Going to work the next day was painful.

The problem with being so busy is that I didn't get pictures of the actress nor Humphrey.  I did ask someone (with a much better camera) to take pictures for me, but it hasn't been shared around yet.  So I'll blog more about that when those arrive.

So I WAS sewing, but since the film shoot, I've just been exhausted. 

From more personal perspective...

I'm doing okay.  No sadness, no tears, no wonky emotions, no lamenting about lost opportunities.  I am slowly adjusting to the need to move, the more I say it I suppose the easier it gets, but there are still people I hedge around discussing moving with.  I just don't feel quite that comfortable yet.  We are looking online at houses for sale and saying a few "what if's".  Mr. Lina has priced out a storage unit and we'll be setting that up in the next week so we have a place (other than the fairly full garage) to move things that we don't need in the house. 

I've also been emailing a coworker who adopted his daughter through a foster to adopt program in another province.  It's been really good to hear about his experience and how quickly it went for him once they got the ball rolling.  He's also been encouraging not to rush.  He saw couples that went through infertility treatment prior to adoption who were clearly still struggling with closing that door.  It's good advice from someone who has been there. 

For those of you who like cooking with a slow cooker and like pork, I highly recommend this recipe.  I roughly followed the recipe, probably less salt and more cayenne, ground cumin instead of seeds... but I didn't significantly change anything except the orange juice.  We don't drink a lot of juice so I don't buy a lot of juice.  I do buy tetra packs of "fun" juices for punches when it's on sale so oddly enough I had mango juice but not orange.  Feedback from the 20 odd people I fed was very positive.  People were going back for thirds.

Bargain Shop Panties

In trying to promote my house concert shows, I've found attendance is good for the people with youtube videos of live performances.  It seems like most people say they didn't listen, but the proof is in the pudding.  When I find it challenging to find good videos, it's hard to get bums in seats.  Case in point, 100 Mile House have quite a few videos available and we had our best turn out for a Monday night ever last night.  The basement was pretty full, it was a great show.

So today I am listening to music while working and thought it would be good to start finding things to link for Jaxon Haldane, our next guest.  I've seen him as part of the D. Rangers, so that's easy to promote, but his solo stuff... a little harder to find.

Now how does all that relate to the title?  I have no idea why YouTube suggested Little Miss Higgins while looking for Jaxon Haldane, but I am a fan and I didn't recognize the song.  She's got a lot of innuendo and tounge in cheek kind of music (like "I'm Gonna Bake My Biscuits", pretty sure that doesn't mean cookies).  And this made me laugh, I had to share with someone and I thought the thrifters out there would like it.  Imagine what kind of spam/hits she gets with this...

From Synth to Folk

It's been a while since I went to a mid week "big venue" (aka not my basement or the Cameron House) concert.  We went to see Peter Hook last night at The Hoxton.  Peter Hook was the bassist for Joy Division and New Order.  We paid about 5 times as much for our tickets to see New Order and I think I had more fun last night.  The energy, the crowd, the sound, the venue... it was just... FUN.  I have blisters on the bottom of my feet from dancing.  If you have fond memories of Blue Monday, Love Will Tear Us Apart...  you have to see Peter Hook.  Well worth staying up past my bedtime and today totally sucking on 5 hours of sleep.  This isn't from the Toronto show but this was the second last song of the night and I loved it.  The crowd was into it even more than this crowd in Manchester.

And on Monday, I get the opposite music experience.  We're hosting 100 Mile House from Edmonton.  Anyone local who would like to attend, let me know and I'll send the details.  I'm happy to share music with others.  Thrilled really.  Talk about extremes though, New Order synth sound vs 3 people with acoustic instruments.  I've found a lot of live performances for 100 Mile House on YouTube and every one of them has better vocals than Hooky above (it's just not his strong point).  I'm looking forward to hearing them in the acoustics of my house.  Here they are at a performance in Calgary.

Happy weekend everyone.  I'm helping my brother move tonight and tomorrow afternoon and then I have some costume sewing to do for the next short film.  Which reminds me, both of Mr. Lina's films have made a travelling film festival in BC, the Fake Flesh Film Fest.  Granted, I'm sure you're not all interested in horror, but if you know someone who does, send them along. 

You might have a problem if...

Edited for pictures...
(I know, two posts in one day after two weeks of silence... strange but true) 

I went to Fabricland on my lunch hour (on Dundas, west of the 427).  I wanted about 20cm of black broadcloth to make a movie quality kippah, my stash was not coming through for me.

That came to $1.35 plus tax, so... $1.52.  Plus a little elastic in case I need some for the actresses costume.

And my bill?  $25.31.

There was this lovely fabric, on a table full of "European Imports" on for half price, $7.50/m.  A few remind me of the viscose we saw at Downtown Fabric in August.  Content wise, a mix of polyesters, cotton blends (including silk/cotton), viscose (bought one last week, so light and airy), most marked as being from Germany...  but today I was seduced by a fabric that makes me wish I had a camera with me at work.

I even brought my fabric into the office, I couldn't leave it behind in the car. 

I've already pulled it out once.

I want to open it all up...  but that's not work appropriate behaviour.

In lieu of pictures... imagine this...

• Dark grey at one end
• Dove grey at the other
• At the switching point...
• Orchid - bigger than my stretched out hand

• Stargazer lilies trailing towards the dark end of the fabric

• One repeat per meter.
• Cotton with 2% spandex (stretch going from dark to light)
• Fairly heavy weight, this is not blouse material
• Sturdy enough to get machine wash warm, tumble dry low, cool iron washing instructions

Oh I've pulled it out again to be sure I'm describing that right.

What the hell do I make with this?  I can't let it get too precious to cut into, but this has to be a planned project to make the most of it. 

It's so soft... and lovely...

Proportion wise, it reminds me of the butterfly fabric that Allison C made into a maxi dress.  But this doesn't have the drape of her jersey. 

I bought 2.2m to be sure I had some space where the flowers repeat.  Can anyone think of a pattern that's intended for a boarder to run through the middle of the fabric?

It's so pretty. 

I'll just look at it one more time....

Time Flies

I know this sounds like a broken record, but I'm not sure where the days  are going.  I haven't been in a great mental state to blog but I didn't realize it was over two weeks.  How strange.

So what's happened in two weeks?

• We went camping with a mix of friends, my brother and his girlfriend, my cousing and his wife.  Weather was good, I slept enough, Scot and his girlfriend were super cool and did not talk about the pregancy but I did give him a real hug and true congratulations.
• I went to a wedding in another city on the Saturday of Labour Day weekend, stayed the night, saw friends, it was good
• It was my birthday on the Monday of Labour Day weekend
• My SIL has decided that she needs some help being in the first trimester and chasing a 13 month old while my brother is on course work and can't help her
• So she (and my niece) came home and we surprised my parents with their arrival at my birthday dinner
• My niece is adorable
• I was kind of glad when they all went home
• Do you know how much cleaning we had to do to have a toddler in the house when the living room looked like the basement threw up crap and furniture all over it?  I'm not kidding, I had a path to the couch when my brother and SIL brought up the idea of her visiting.
• I wore my white lawn bowling skirt, but I don't have good a picture of me in it, my niece was naturally the cetre of attention.
• I had some post-birthday blues afterwards, I would have been okay skipping my birthday this year for some reason.
• We found out our mortgage was up for renewal this year, not next year so we had to rather quickly sort that out.
• We provided a weekend of respite, my friend from Summerfolk who has Down's Syndrome stayed with us to give his mom a break, she needed it.
• That went really well. 
• I started sewing for Mr. Lina.  Not for HIM, but movie stuff.  He needs a yamika/kippah, appliques of naughty reindeer added to a sweater and a crazy costume for one actress before the last weekend of September.
• I have never even met the actress, I think I'll be "fitting" with elastic.
• Yamika #1 from this kippah pattern came out a little wonky, poor fabric choice on my part and a little small given that the head it's going on has a full mask, it's bigger than a normal head.  It's a good pattern though, I'm sticking with it for my next attempt.  I think with 6 panels it ends up with a better curve than just 4 panels like most kippah patterns I found online.
• I went to a TIFF after party which was super cool.  One of my clients was sponsoring a film (The Grand Seduction) and while they didn't have tickets to the movie, they did give me tickets to the party.  So strange going to a party at 9pm on a Sunday.  But we got prettied up and went.

• And coming up... one last kick at the camping can this weekend, bowling starts tonight, Mr. Lina is getting us storage space to start really moving boxes out of the house, house concert season is starting up (100 Mile House from Alberta on Monday Sept 23, those local, let me know if you're interested in coming), and I need a nap.

 

Aunt X2

So not only is my youngest brother (Clone) going to be a dad for the second time...

My middle brother (Scot) is also going to be a dad. 

With his girlfriend (who I do think is a good match for him), but they have only been dating since May.

On the plus side, apparently my two brothers talked prior to Scot telling me last night.  How do I know?  Scot talked to Mr. Lina in the afternoon and told him first, wanting advice on how to approach me.  Scot said that "apparently Skype isn't a good way".  No kidding. 

I love my brothers and I know how much they want to treat me with kid gloves.  I guess the thing is they don't know what to do, they (fortunately) cannot empathise nor read my mind.  And the truth is, there isn't a good way.  It's going to suck for me regardless of how they say it.  Giving me space lets me have the illusion with them that it doesn't suck so much.

Mr. Lina's advice was that it's like a band aid, just tell me.  I'll deal with it.  Don't wait to do it in person, just get it over with and I will be okay.

So Scot phoned.  I was so shocked (I mean seriously, it doesn't feel like they have been dating long enough for her to BE pregnant) the first words out of my mouth were "wow, that was fast".  Perhaps not the most tactful thing I've ever said, but it wasn't about me and my losses so it's kind of a step in the right direction. 

We are going camping this weekend.  Scott, his girlfriend, my cousin and his wife, another couple that don't have kids, and another couple who have two girls I adore.  I am so thankful he told me last night.  I would not have been able to cope with being told with that kind of an audience and no where to run.  Or was left to do the math myself when she's suddenly not accepting a beer, etc.  All I asked is that they don't spend the whole weekend gushing about it.  She doesn't have to hide it, but conversation has to be about something other than babies for me to stay sane.  I can be happy for them, I think Scot is going to be a great dad.  One thing that had me sad about his first marriage was that it looked like they weren't going to have kids and I really thought he should be a dad.  And he's 35, I get that there isn't the time for an engagement and big wedding and crap before having kids (although I do get the impression this was a bit of a happy surprise for them).

I will say, I am doing better today than I expected.  I'm not sad or teary, I've been productive.  I guess I'm just mostly still surprised over it all.  We'll see how it goes.  I'm already scared of when they both have their babies within weeks of each other.

Another Sign of Summer Ending

Today is my 9th anniversary.  9 years ago, we looked like this:

It was a wonderful day.  One of the warmer days in a fairly cool summer, but not so hot to be uncomfortable.  All of my outdoor pictures have someone squinting from the sun.  I was so excited, it was all I could do to not jump.  I think I was while I waited in the vestry.  Time is such a strange thing.  It feels like it wasn't that long ago we got married but I feel like I've had his last name for longer than 9 years.  On the crazy roller coaster I've been on, there is no one else I'd rather have holding my hand.

Yesterday when I was about to leave work, my youngest brother started up a conversation with me.  I like writing and by extension chatting.  You get time to think about your reply but the speed lacking in email where you can immediately clarify when the intended tone is not understood.  We chatted for about 2 hours.  I think security were the only other people left in the building when I went home, but it was worth staying.  My brother and SIL know I'm not going to take news like that overly well and no, they were not so wrapped up in their baby bliss to not notice the lack of response and change of subject.  And I had time to explain to him that I don't like being told in person, that I'd rather have an email where I can compose myself privately before replying.  It's not his job to manage my feelings, nor my job to manage his.  But I do appreciate the time to manage my feelings without an audience.  Net-net, all is good between us and I feel good today.

Where does the summer go?

When I was a kid, summer seemed to last forever.  There were the weeks of swimming lessons, a week of family adventures for my dad's holidays, hours and hours on my bike.  But I just went to Summerfolk, the CNE has started and that means that my birthday and Labour Day weekend is not far away.  How crazy is that.  I feel like three blinks ago it was June with the summer ahead of us.

I have multiple blog posts in my head - a little update on the Toronto meet up, the 2 Sorbettos and the A line skirt I've made, a Summerfolk review, our house concert schedule is set...  but I need to get pictures off of Mr. Lina's camera (he was kind enough to take a few pictures for me) and much as I love writing, I seem to like sewing more than writing, Sorbetto variation #5 just needs a hem.  That's a good thing.  :)

So while I get pictures organized... I got a little recognition for my mentoring at work.  A project we worked on to build up my coworkers skills was recognised by her client with a reward that has never gone to a research partner.  Shiny gold star for her and I am so very proud of her.  On the plus side, people are recognising me as her trainer and I really appreciate that.  I got a certificate to put up at my desk and I get to pick a prize from over 200 options.  That sounds like a lot until you start ruling things out,  I don't want a watch/jewellery, I don't have kids, don't golf, I don't need many kitchen appliances.  There are quite a few cool, nice to have things, but nothing that is the clear winner.  I have narrowed it to a few things.

1. Hammock for two with stand - the stand means I don't need trees to use it, but if I'm moving and it's the end of the summer, this is just another thing to pack.
2. Lagostina 7L pressure cooker that I really don't have space for in my kitchen and I've never cooked with a pressure cooker, but it seems kind of cool.
3. Coleman All in One Cooking system - we have a traditional 2 burner Coleman stove, this has multiple cooking surfaces so you can fry and grill as well as use the traditional burner.  But I worry it's a bit small, like you can't be boiling water while cooking eggs which I can do with a two burner stove.  So cool, but not fantastic.
4. DeLonghi Professional Ironing System - this is where I'd appreciate your feedback.  I have a basic iron that I am generally happy with, it does what I need it to do and throws enough steam to hurt my fingers when I'm not careful.  Still... this looks like a neat iron and given the general price point, it should be better than my little iron.  I generally work on the principle of making do with what I have and that makes it hard to pick an iron that doesn't need replacing. 

Decision making isn't always my strong point.  I got this award in June and I got an email reminding me I hadn't picked something.  Two months hasn't helped although I guess I can rule out picking the baby oriented stuff.  The crib and baby monitors were looking tempting in June.  This isn't sad, it's just replaced by the thought that some of the older kid stuff (bikes are one of my options) will be a good choice at some point.

And can I reiterate I hate being told people are pregnant in person?  I feel stunned every time.  It is like I'm a wooden replica of myself that doesn't know what to say.  I say congratulations, but I'm not sure it actually sounds convincing and I don't have any follow up questions.  I immediately start thinking of myself and how this times with either my last loss or how many weeks farther they are than I've made it.  I need time to see this through their eyes.  It just sucks and I hate that I'm probably making them feel awful by not looking happy.

You can imagine that rant didn't come out of the blue.  My youngest brothers wife is pregnant again and they told us last night over Skype.  I will be happy for them, I do love my niece, but I'm not sure I am today.  She is at 7 weeks and my first thought was that I didn't make it that far.  I don't think I realised how much that was bugging me until I started to post.  I really didn't mean to go there, but now I'm leaky for the 3rd time today.  Not the most work appropriate behaviour.

So let's leave this with Vance Gilbert.  I didn't get to see nearly enough of him this weekend at Summerfolk.  This song, Goodbye Pluto, it is about Pluto losing their planetary status, but it's a song that makes Mr. Lina and I a little leaky.  It's a song worth a second listen for the words.

Procrastination

As mentioned, we had the basement and hallways painted.  This required furniture to be moved and while some stuff went to the garage, the rest was moved around the room or into other rooms.  I figured while the furniture was away from the walls, it was a good time to borrow my parents steam cleaner and get to the carpets that haven't been seen in 9 years.  Until last night, there wasn't even a spot in the house where 3 people could sit together that wasn't a bed.

This is a long winded way to say I (we) have a lot of things to move and decide to pack or not pack and I don't really want to do it.

So what is a procrastinator to do? 

ANYTHING else.

And how have I filled my time?

1. Sorbetto #3 (I think it needs back darts, it's a bit puffy and I need pictures to blog)
2. Sorbetto #4 (I do have pictures but not with me at the moment)
3. Toronto Sewing Meet Up on Saturday (and I need pictures to do this justice, short version was that it was a whole lot of fun, so great to meet other bloggers and readers!)
4. Complete addiction to the game Dominion (seriously awesome card/deck building game, Mr. Lina should not have told me about the on line version)
5. Sewed up the fabric I bought at King Fabrics into an A line skirt
6. Wore said skirt to work and lawn bowling (a team event which necessitated light coloured clothing and I have come to realise I don't wear a lot of white)
7. Walks with Mr. Lina
8. Massive amounts of dusting as furniture was moved
9. Sneezed.  I know this is odd to include in a list of things I've done, but I'm sneezing a lot, clearly ragweed season is starting.

I think to get anything done I have to think of something else that I want to do even less. 

I am seriously happy with my white skirt.  Believe you me, I'll be posting about it because there are things that I like about it that make Mr. Lina's eyes glaze over.  I am very pleased by the construction and I find myself thinking about another one and the changes I'd make and what fabric I have in my stash that would work better.  I've already trimmed down the pattern pieces where I think it needed tweaking.  It's just calling my name to try that tweak out.

This is more of a note to myself but... I seem to have a new sleep issue.  Not only am I now an occasional sleep walker and talker (which I haven't done in a while now), but we can add humming to the list.  Twice this week I've woken up Mr. Lina.  Although he tells me the second time it was a ghost humming the tuneless song of its people from my side of the bed.  I appreciate he tried to make it funny.  Googling tells me it's not an issue to my health, but I don't like that it's waking Mr. Lina up.

You know what I'm not?  Sad.  At all. 

Friday night we went to see some very good friends.  On the drive there (about 45 min) I was telling Mr. Lina about some fanstasic Excel-fu I unleashed at work that day.  He doesn't use Excel so most of this was going way over his head and I knew it, but I had to share my pride in making it work.    And then he said it was good to see "Chatty Sera" back again.  I'm a talkative person, to the point when I'm quiet, he worries and is quick to assume I'm angry.  I've been quiet a lot the past few years.  From my perspective, I simply did not have much to say, certainly nothing that was exciting to bubble out of me.  He sees the change.

On Friday morning we met with our fertility doctor for our review of the last FET.  I figured it would at the very least give us closure with the clinic.  I have mentioned that our doctor takes my losses personally, like he should be able to "fix" this problem and I keep stumping him.  He even offered us an IVF cycle for free if I don't make it to 12 weeks of pregnancy.  And we politely declined.  It's not money making me stop, I don't want to do that again.  I appreciate the offer, but it didn't even feel tempting.  I think that's a good sign that I really am honestly good with this.  I'm on the right path and I know it.

Quite likely, there are children out there right now that are going to call me mom.  This has all been part of the journey that is going to make us the right parents for them.

The Parking Lot

The other day I was meeting with someone at work and she talked about "The Parking Lot".  She was giving advice to my new coworker that he didn't need to know everything right off the bat.  It was always okay to say "I don't know, let's put that in The Parking Lot and I'll find out for you".  It's good advice, he's not going to catch up to my 7 years of doing this in 3 weeks.

For me, this blog has become a parking lot.  Sometimes when I'm at work, ideas swirl around and they need to go somewhere so I can focus.  A quick post here serves that purpose (and lets me delay doing work I'm not all that interested in).  It's not so much , but it does become a storage place for ideas I need to set aside.

I haven't been posting much lately for a few reasons.

• I'm mentoring "the new guy".  Either I'm looking at his screen or he's looking at mine.
• That takes up a lot of time and I still have my own work to do, no time to procrastinate.
• I'm interested in what I'm doing at work again so my attention span is better. 
• I don't have negative thought swirling around that need temporary storage.
• I spend all day in front of a computer, so when I'm home, I don't spend much time online.  If I don't find time to post at work, I'm not likely to post at home.
• I don't have a lot to think about, I'm at an action stage more than a thinking stage.

This weekend was great.  We are getting the basement and hallways/stairs to the second floor painted on Wed/Thurs which means we have to declutter to let the painters get at the walls.  The basement is where we hang out, it's full of media and stuff.  We filled 14 52L totes with books, DVD's and CDs and 5 paper boxes of books.  And that's still not everything.  What can I say?  Mr. Lina likes his movies and we support a lot of musicians by purchasing CDs.

In May we (that's the royal we, meaning mostly Mr. Lina) sanded the deck and stained it, the focus being on the horizontal boards of the deck so we could set out our new patio furniture.  Sunday we finally had the weather and time to finish the railings.  We weren't sanding those down, just painting over them.  It was hot and sweaty work but it looks nice now that it is done.  Another box ticked off on the to-do list.

Mr. Lina started a batch of beer with a friend on Monday (a stat holiday in Ontario).  They are splitting the batch of a Belgian Tripel they are trying to clone (smile, nod, no it doesn't mean much to me either but if you want to know more, check this out).  So I had to clean the kitchen so they could make a mess of it with the beer making (which they did generally clean up).

And I sewed.  Yes indeed, I've made another Sorbetto.  This is now the 4th time I've made this pattern but I need that kind of low thinking/pre-traced sewing to get me back into the swing of things and this does fill a wardrobe gap.  There was still some thinking involved since the first two don't really fit well at the bust (not sure if they ever did or if it's a change in bras), even after #3 it still needed some tweaking.  I asked Mr. Lina to take pictures of me on Friday when I wore #3 to work, but it didn't quite happen.  #4 needs to be hemmed and we'll see how #3 did in the wash last night.  It's 100% cotton and came out wrinkly (as expected from cotton), hopefully it did all of it's shrinking in the pre-wash.

So moving two 64L bins of fabric our of my sewing room seems to have had a positive impact - productivity.  Saturday I'll be joining the Toronto Meet Up (details here - and I have a choice of new shirts to wear!), which means shopping, the opposite of decluttering.  I might have to keep an eye out for some white fabric.  We're doing a team fun day of lawn bowling on Monday afternoon, wearing white is required.  I suspect my pale beige pencil skirt that probably doesn't fit me at my present weight is a good choice for lawn bowling.  A white A line skirt might be in order and I'm sure the only white in my stash is broadcloth.