We all have things to be thankful for. Really. Even if things look horrible, there is always something good. If you have food, if you are warm, if your basic needs are easily met, in the grand scheme of things, you should be thankful. But it's so easy to loose sight of that. So easy to feel the "yeah, but" that goes with that. Sometimes, we need to think of the big picture.
I don't know if fall is just a hard time for me, but I feel a bit of sadness. I stepped out to run an errand at lunch and found my thoughts all negative and circling around to babies I don't have. Maybe a list of what I should appreciate will help.
- Mr. Lina. Our marriage is far from perfect, but people seem to think it is from the outside looking in. When friends comment on our relationship as one they look up to, I find myself at a loss of words besides thanks. I found the right partner in life with Mr. Lina. We have been through a lot of challenges together and I still want to have him by my side to face the next scary thing we encounter.
- Finances. We both have jobs that pay enough to have most of what we want in life. We still make some choices, I can't have everything, but again, in the grand scheme of things, things that are important to us are feasible, food is plentiful, our house is warm and welcoming, I can buy fabric when I want to. I know what it felt like to be paying student loans, making very little and not sure that I could share in the rent with Mr. Lina. Or paying for university and trying to eek through April when all of my summer money had run out and I had enough for bus fair to my parents until my next pay arrived for 8 hours of work. I may fuss occasionally about the cost of things, but that's part of how I grew up rather than really not being able to afford it.
- Skills. I have skills to do some pretty cool things. I can make maps, I can talk about consumer behaviour, I can sew a bra, I can bake soft pretzels, I can make appetizers for a party of 30 without breaking much of a sweat (the house cleaning for the guests is the source of the sweat). I am a very capable person.
- Family. I may not have children, but I do have both of my parents and in laws, I have 2 brothers, a brother in law and 2 sister in laws who care about me. One set of grandparents were important to me as I grew up and had an impact on how I see the world now. Mr. Lina still has one grandmother to spoil us with cinnamon buns. So maybe I don't have kids, but I sure do have family.
- Health. Okay so my immune system is a bit ah, sensitive, reacting to things it shouldn't (like carrots and babies), and my ankle still hurts (bowling may not have been a wise choice). But I don't have as many migraines as I used to, I didn't get bronchitis this fall (really ragweed wasn't too bad at all), I haven't had a really bad run of hives in a long time. Sure there are quirks to my body, but they are my quirks and they aren't debilitating.
- Strength. I'm not feeling all that strong today, but it really is something I should appreciate. I firmly believe that every single one of us is capable of doing more than we think we can, surviving more than we think we could. Infertility has left a mark on who I am, but I'm still here, internal strength of just getting through it is part of that.
- "The Blog." We are all part of a really neat community. It's lovely to be a part of it. I've had a custom pants blocker courtesy of The Consultative Dressmaker, I've recently won an issue of Burda from Aft Agley. ElleC had a giveaway a bit ago with a "pile of orange" (kind of faltered on the pattern that was part of that, my lapped zipper is not going in well). I find myself talking about blogs I read like friends. You know, my friend who is an expert in bras and tipped me off to online pretty bras. Or how about those friends who are raising children they adopted, I've had more than a few conversations with Mr. Lina that were sparked by her experiences. Quite often posts that resonate roll around in my head for a few days and they leave an impact on my life.