Wednesday, December 14

Way too busy.

I didn't intend on not blogging for so many days, but wow has it been busy.  And tiring.  And draining.

The Christmas party with my university friends was okay.  It wasn't as bad as I thought, but that doesn't quite mean it was great.  There were so many kids there, the oldest being 6.  That's a lot of reminders that I'm just not in the same stage of life as they are.  That said, it was nice to hold a couple of them, fun to put a puzzle together with others, but it really sucked giving them back.  And because all those kids having bed times, it was all wrapped up at about 8:30.  Even lingering with another childless couple, we were home before 10.  Strange.

Mr. Lina and I had a good conversation on Sunday morning.  After I went to bed, he decided to watch a couple of movies that make him sad and he woke me up at 2am to cry together.  I'm glad he did.  Sometimes we need a good cry and a reason to open the dam and start the conversation.  I'm not saying it resolved anything, but the next morning we had a really good conversation about lots of kid related things.  It was good to hear where his thought process was going.  I'm generally ahead of him on that kind of thing so it can feel isolating when I'm ready to talk about something he's freaked out by because he hasn't had enough mulling time.

Sunday was D&D and then out to the movies with my two sister-in-laws.  I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with Christmas.  The movie was okay because we met up at Scot's place, I drove the three of us, Mr. Lina stayed to play video games with my brother.  My pregnant SIL was a little later arriving so there wasn't a ton of conversation or even time in line at the movies.  Scot's wife sat between us so I didn't have to talk to her during the movie either.  But then when the three of us were back at the apartment and she was asking for food and talking about how she used to love mushrooms and they just don't taste the same, all I could think was shut up.  Seriously.  Enough.  I don't want to hear it.  I want to pretend that nothing is happening and talking about it is messing up my illusion.  That's going to make for a great family dinner on Boxing Day when I want to punch her because she's pregnant and happy.

Sigh.  So therapy on Monday night, crazy times at work led to working after therapy.  Bowling last night and today I want to curl up and cry because I hate the paper work involved in my job.  It's like everyone knows the little part of the world that they do and doesn't understand what anyone else does.  So when you ask for the process, they can only give you a little snippet of what to do.  So you do it, and the next person says, oh no... it's not that simple, you can't do that in three bundles, each category needs to be done on its own.  It doesn't need to be that hard.  I am a consumer analyst, I want to analyze consumers. 

There is a picture of my Sorbetto from Saturday and a post about how I suck at bust darts, but I haven't had time to take the picture off the good camera yet.  Tonight I have to do laundry and relax, hopefully I can talk Mr. Lina into helping me with that.

2 comments:

  1. I think it's just a hard time of year for everybody. Having issues around fertility is tough, but I'm sure it's worse when you add in the usual Christmas drama. Most of us have this romanticized ideal of Christmas in our heads, and if it's not wrecked by one thing, then it's threatened by another. I'm having a rough week myself, and I keep running up against "this is going to ruin the holiday," moments. I'm trying to step back and keep an open/flexible mind but I really wanna cut a bitch.

    How about we hop a plane to Timbuktu? I'll buy you a mai tai! Because running away always works in my head.

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  2. It's kinda sad how a holiday that is suppose to be wonderful and peaceful is really an emotional maze for most people. Listen to half the Christmas songs, they are sad, so many are about missing someone or not getting home or being alone etc. I don't worry about having the "perfect" Christmas, I see the fallacy in that. Sometimes it's just about surviving and getting to the moment that you can enjoy.

    I'm up to a visit to Timbuktu. Makes more sense than going insane. :)

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Thanks for your comments, I love to have a two way conversation. I seem to be getting a lot of spam from anonymous users and am turning off the ability to comment that way. I really would like to hear from you so if you do want to add your two cents without an OpenId, email me at seraphinalina at gmail dot com.