Monday, July 8

Alas

It was not to be.

I had a fantastic vacation.  I slept.  I swam.  I fished.  I crocheted.  I slept.  I felt pretty good.

But I had my 6 week ultrasound today and my uterus is empty.  There is no fetal pole there, no heart beat beyond my own.  So they ran blood work and sure enough, my HCG levels are down.  They aren't even making me come in to check again so it must be really low, they usually want to track it to lower than 5.

I'm numb.  I'm sad.  But I'm... okay.

I have been here before, I know I'll get through it.  I also know this blog will be part of getting past it.  I'll write more when I'm ready.  Believe you me, I'll be writing.

12 comments:

  1. I am so very sorry. Hugs for you and Mr. Lina.

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  2. Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear this!! :( Big hugs!!!!

    (((((((((((((((((((((((Sera)))))))))))))))))))

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  3. No words offered will be enough. Sorry to hear. Take care of yourself!

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  4. I wish that there was something I could say or do to make the hurt go away. Or fix it. Or something. :-( Just know that I'm so very sorry and I would totally give you a hug/shoulder to cry on/gigantic margarita/all of the above if I could. :-(

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  5. Oh no. I am so sorry. There just aren't words that are equal to the task of expressing how awful and unfair this is. I am so angry at the universe right now.

    Take care of yourself and write whenever you are capable. We will all be here waiting.

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  6. I'm so sorry. I was really hopeful this time. You WILL get through. Life is so not fucking fair.

    I'm glad you're okay (ish). You have total permission to punch stuff if you need to, though.

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  7. I'm sorry. Be nice to yourselves. It's a tough ride.

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  8. "It so sucks" doesn't even begin to describe it... Hope you're feeling OK physically at least. Big hugs!

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  9. Like everyone else, I don't know what to say except that we're here for you.

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  10. You will get through this just keep your head up and know your blogging buddies are here for you!

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  11. Fuck, this is horrible. I'm SO sorry. Just take your time to process this (and I know you will) and keep us posted/let us know if there is anything we can do. xoxo

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Thanks for your comments, I love to have a two way conversation. I seem to be getting a lot of spam from anonymous users and am turning off the ability to comment that way. I really would like to hear from you so if you do want to add your two cents without an OpenId, email me at seraphinalina at gmail dot com.